Holding On And Letting Go
by DarkAndTwistyGrey
Summary: When an earthquake hits Seattle and with that Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital not only the patient's lives are on the line. One of their own needs to be saved ... [Season 11 MerDer]
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

* * *

_When an earthquake hits Seattle and with that Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital not only the patient's lifes are on the line ...Way to go, Jo! Alex's girlfriend lets slips with a not-easily-dismissed fact about Meredith's performance as a surgeon ever since… well, since Derek left for D.C. What does Mer herself make of the remarkable revelation? Does she see a correlation?_

* * *

"If everyone will just shut up." Meredith said loudly as she and Alex and Jo are operating on a patient. "And give me to freaking seconds to get the sutures to hold." Concentrated, Meredith was totally focused on the patient on the table and on getting this suture the way she wanted it - perfect. The other residents were watching attentively her technique. "There, Edwards." Instruments clatter on a tray.

"At least it looks good." Stephanie Edwards comments.

Jo replies quietly: "The streak's a lie." Meredith notices the commotion between the two residents and cut in: "What was that, Wilson?" Meredith demanded an answer from her subordinate. "Nothing." Jo denies she had said anything that goes that way. Of course, Meredith was to clever not to believe that.

"Oh no." Edwards mumbles under a surgical mask.

"But nothing, I didn't say anything." Jo tries to explain. "You said the streak is a lie."

"No. No. I said … the freak is alive." "No, you didn't, she didn't." Meredith is sure of that. There was no way Josephine Wilson could deny that, but except she does actually deny it.

"I didn't hear anything." Alex tells her as Meredith looked at him with a questioning glance. "You're pitching a no hitter." Jo said suddenly.

She inhales before she continues: "You haven't lost a single patient since November 14th. 89 surgeries in row with good outcomes …" Meredith shot her resident a glance as it hit her. Had she said November 14th? "Did you say November 14th?" She asks, not letting on what that did to her. Her voice doesn't shake as she asks that question.

"And twenty two traumas. I mean who does that?" She says chuckling, "You. Because of your magic …" The whole OR goes quiet as Meredith Grey looks over to Alex.

"Edwards you can close." Meredith told her resident, then hands the scalpel over to her. "Wilson can assist." Then she leaves the OR, steps away from the table. Stephanie Edwards and Josephine Wilson exchanged bewildered glances to each other. Steph shrugs she doesn't know what this was about.

"What did I tell you?" Alex hisses at his girlfriend.

"Way to go, Jo." Alex follows Meredith in the scrub room where she pulls off her mask abruptly and faces him. Meredith had a somber expression covering her face. Something was telling him that this was serious.

"Look. I told her not to tell you but …" Alex waves his hand to underline that sentence but … "It messes with her head." Alex explained. "I am on a streak." Meredith told him. "There is no such thing. It's just dumb luck. But you can't agree - so just forget about it." Alex advises her.

"No, no, it's not that." Meredith relented. "It's another thing. It's the date it had started. The fact that the 14th of November is the night …" Meredith inhales and exhales slowly. "What's about it?" Alex responds. Meredith looks aside.

"It's the date Derek left."

Alex breathes in sharply. No, this wasn't good at all. She thinks now Derek is the reason for this streak, that she is better off without him. "Ever since he left I have been great. All my surgeries so far were a success. I have not lost one patient since that date." Meredith shakes her head as if she doesn't want to believe it.

"Not one." She repeats.

"Since the day he left for D.C. What does that tell you that I am better off without him? That you're right and …"

Now she is thinking that her relationship to Derek affects her skills as a surgeon in a bad way. Like he was right when he had told her that he is some kind of tyrant keeping her down.

"Mer, it is just dumb luck. It has nothing to do with Derek leaving and going to Washington D.C. You are just more focused because you haven't got anything here besides your kids. So you focus on surgery. This in your mind, and only in your mind, Meredith."

Meredith leaned against the sink.

She glares at the pediatric surgeon, hoping desperately he is right. He just has to be right. "I don't know what to think anymore, Alex. This whole thing just kills me, I have no idea what to do. What is right and what's not. I can't differentiate between right and wrong." She looks at Alex, tears are shimmering in her eyes. He could tell after one gaze that she is devastated and had no single idea what to do.

"You, Meredith Grey, don't just see things in right or wrong. It's not what you do. See, after you switched that drug in the Alzheimer's trial you though your marriage was going towards an end. But it didn't, you and Shepherd got through it. It won't be different here."

At least, I don't hope it will be different, he adds silently.

"How can you possibly know?" Her voice shakes now.

"You and Shepherd always get it together. You always do. You broke up so many times, more than I can count and still – you keep coming back to each other. That has to mean something. Surgery or any kind of streaks have nothing to do with your marriage to Derek." Alex assured her.

"Well, I need to get going now." Meredith turns and leaves without another word the scrub room.

* * *

Alex leans against the sink and exhales loudly. In this moment Jo enters the scrub room. They have finished the surgery. "What is going on with Grey? Why did she react like she did?" Jo couldn't help but ask Alex about Meredith. "Way to go, Jo. You have gotten her into questioning her marriage to Derek with that comment." "What? I have no idea what you are talking about." Jo seems confused.

"The fricking date, Hairball." Alex hissed.

"The date. It's the date Derek has left for D.C. Do you get it now?"

Jo Wilson stares at him then she exclaims: "Oh, god, I am an idiot. I really shouldn't have said that."

"Well, now it's too late." Alex reminds her ironically.

"Yes, I do know that now."

"Kinda too late now, don't ya think?"

* * *

Meredith Grey is lost in thoughts and doesn't seem to notice that the earth under her feet begins to vibrate slightly. Or maybe she just doesn't care. Then someone is paging her down to radiology. Meredith groans as she looks at her pager. It is Amelia. She has no idea why Amelia was paging her. When she enters the room she sees Amelia Shepherd staring at some images of someone's brain.

"Hey." Meredith greets her. "Mer." She replies as she recognizes her sister in law. "You have paged me?" The general surgeon questions her.

"Look at these scans." Amelia orders her to.

"Why should I? I am not a neurosurgeon." She gives back. "That I know but look." Amelia stays adamant about it.

"Fine." After Meredith scanned the MRI images she nods knowingly. She knows what she is looking at. A malignant glioma is what she is looking at. "So I thought, since you and Derek invented this method, you and I could scrub in on this together. I really could use your help." Amelia tells her.

Meredith still looks unsure about it.

"I don't know. This surgery only has been a success in what, maybe three cases. You are sure you want to do this?"

"Yes, I mean I got Herman's tumor out, and it was a tricky one - and I still got it. She is alive. Blind but alive. So yes, I'd like to try. Are you in?"

"I need time to think." Meredith objected.

"But don't think too long, these tumors are fast - growing." Amelia only replies.

Meredith nods.

"I'll come back to you." Funny, one more thing that reminds her of Derek. And now Amelia wants her to scrub in on this malignant glioma. "Yes, I know that. I scrubbed in on all our trial cases, even our success case, Beth Monroe. She was the one who made the trial a success by surviving."

* * *

When Amelia finally had given up on convincing her to scrub in she asks her sister in law if she wants to go to the cafeteria with her, to eat. Why not, Meredith thought and shrugs. She follows her sister in law to the cafeteria.

But when they halfway reached the cafeteria a soft vibrate makes them stop dead in their tracks. It feels weird, Meredith thought to herself. This isn't meaning something good.

The vibration races from her feet to her spine.

Shocked and terrified, she looks up and over to Amelia who stands there like frozen.

"Did you feel this?" Amelia asks, her voice hoarse. She did feel this too? Oh, god, this really wasn't a good sign. Meredith nods and says: "Weird."

"You're right about that, what was that sensation?" Amelia replies and glances around. Suddenly both surgeons were swallowed up by great, resounding boom. It came out sudden.

Just then, Meredith was going up the stairs.

Neither of them were prepared of what happened, the ground under their feet started moving. Dizziness swept over Meredith as she loses hold of herself. She tries to grab the railing to stop herself from losing balance. In the next moment she finds herself falling and screaming loudly.

She fell, exactly the way she did with Bailey which resulted in a splenectomy. But this wasn't her being angry, this was a fricking force of nature.

She had no control over things ...

Then, Meredith landed on the ground. On the way to the ground she smacked her head against the wall as an earthquake hits Seattle and the west coast with full force. When her head hit the wall, she cried out with an almost unhuman voice that didn't sounded like her. Amelia's blood froze when she heard that.

Amelia has no time to look if her sister in law was okay.

She needed to find a safe place for herself. Maybe that's selfish but she's no use if she hurts herself too. She could hear people screaming and running like crazy to find a safe place. Amelia tried to stand up and walk over to Meredith but somehow she is unable to do this. The floor seems to be moving. How could a floor be moving? Did something hit the building? Like a plane or something?

Then it got to her.

_Earthquake .._

This was her only thought that circles in her mind.

It was impossible to walk and so ends up on the ground too, sprawling towards the floor as the floor begins to shake. A paralyzing fear overcomes her.

Amelia gasps for air as she looks up hoping to see Meredith was okay. But obviously she wasn't. Her eyes are semi - closed and she is lying slumped against the wall.

The hospital walls were swinging and ripped into shrambles and there are more shrieks and more shouting accompanioned from the rumbling of the debris falling to the ground, as if it were raining brick walls - the earthquake left a wake of destroyed floors and people who are shocked by what has happened in the last seconds.

Really, it only has been seconds not as many might think minutes or hours.

When the earth finally stopped moving, Amelia slowly sat up. She wiped off the dirt off her clothes and was convinced that the world was still moving even though it wasn't. She heard a groan coming from Meredith, then she hear her saying: "Are you okay?" "I am." Amelia responds as she crawles over to Meredith.

"But are you? You fell down those stairs."

Amelia sounds really worried. Derek had told her what happened on Bailey's birth. The C-section that almost resulted in Meredith dying 'cause she ruptured her spleen and went into disseminated intravascular coagulopathy due to the fall she took on the stairs - anyway, right now that's irrelevant.

"I am fine." Meredith slowly sits up straight.

"Let me give you a neuro exam, just to be sure." Amelia persisted.

"You could have a bleed or something."

"I am so not bleeding in my brain. You won't allow you poking around in my brain 'cause there is no bleed. End of discussion-" Meredith insists on being fine.

"I mean you banged your head pretty hard on the wall." Amelia still wasn't convinced. "Any blurry vision, double vision, headache ... anything that could indicate head injury?" She asks, hoping her sister in law would be honest if she was experiencing symptoms.

Meredith reflects if she had any symptoms.

Well, her head hurt a bit but that was to be expected. "I am fine, really." She tells her. "Derek will kill me if you have a bleed and I haven't seen the signs." She mutters under her breath.

"Will they even let you operate on me?" Meredith asks back sarcastically. "If it's an emergency and they have a choice between me operating and you dying because they have done nothing - I'll bet they take they first one." "Which isn't important right now because I don't need brain surgery."

Amelia stands up which was feeling kinda surreal. She helps Meredith up.

"Still thinking you're okay?" Amelia presses for an answer. Meredith only nods. In this moment both of their pagers shriek and they flinch at the sound. Amelia unhooked it from her scrubs and stares at it. "Hospital's calling a code." She finally says. Also, Meredith's pager starts vibrating against her hip.

They are calling a code white.

Natural disaster.

"We should go." Amelia says. "Come." Meredith just follows her.

They still can't believe that it's over, really over. But there was always the possibility of an aftershock. "Hopefully there won't be any aftershocks." Meredith says as they walk to the emergency department. On the way Meredith notices the crowd of people standing around the elevator.

Total chaos was everywhere. Also the television was on, a reporter was talking about the earthquake that just hit Seattle and caused several accidents and collisions due to people losing control over their vehicles when the quake hit.

_... The initial seismographic reading are placing the magnitude at 6.2 ..._

"6.2. Wow, that's ..." Amelia began but was cut off by Owen's voice who interrupted all conversations: "Listen up, people. As you might have heard by now. Seattle has been hit by an earthquake which means we're getting patients. Also, let's get a count on all our staff. Everyone checks with his direct superiors. Interns, report to your residents, residents to attendings. Got it?" His voice was loud and clear to hear.

Murmur of voices could be heard and a few people were running around around.

* * *

Meredith now has another surgery, one victim of the earthquake that hit Seattle a few minutes ago.

She admits that she misses Derek a bit ...

Now that he isn't here when the earthquake thing happened.

She hopes that there won't be any aftershocks. While she is paged to attend to another patient that is now lying in her OR, waiting to be cut open and saved by her, the others work on freeing Maggie who was trapped in an elevator.

She had been in there when the earthquake had hit Seattle.

All the doctors were totally unprepared for the disaster that was about to happen that day. That day an earthquake had hit Seattle without warnings or anything. It happened out of sudden. Like a real disaster does – it hits us when we at last expect it.

* * *

Meredith's view on the surgical area out of sudden goes blurry after the general surgeon had opened up her patient. She still has a ten blade in her hand.

A few seconds pass and her vision clears up.

She doesn't think it meant anything serious.

So she, Jo Wilson who assists in this procedure and Alex Karev who happens to be another attending scrubbing in on this surgery; since the patient was a kid with a life-threatening liver damage due to sustained trauma in the earthquake that happened a few minutes ago; keep operating.

Time passes only slowly.

When they were four hours into the surgery, both Alex and Meredith noticed that one of the boy's kidneys has been damaged.

"Oh, no, look, Alex, there is renal trauma, why haven't we seen this on the scans? His right kidney is completely crushed." Meredith exclaims and Alex echoes: "Holy crap, that kidney is no use to him anymore. There is no way we can repair it."

Meredith glances at the destroyed kidney.

"We could try. I mean, we can give it a shot."

The general surgeon glances at the pediatric surgeon and says, sighing: "It is your shot, Alex. Your patient, your decision." Meredith lets him decide what they should do. In this moment the patient's blood pressure went downhill.

"Crap, he is getting unstable. There is still bleeding, have you checked his renal artery?" Meredith reacted and traces the source of the bleeding.

"From where comes all this blood?" Jo asked as she starts suctioning.

"We don't know." The general surgeon replied hastily, with her hands sticking in the body cavity.

* * *

"Do you really think that kidney's salvageable?" Alex Karev asked with a frown.

"I mean it looks like it's completely …" The peds surgeon never is able to finish his sentence. In this moment an aftershock hit Seattle and Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital with full force. And another factor was that it was that unexpected.

The scalpel in Meredith's hand clatters to the ground as the ground under their feet shook. Meredith loses balance and stumbled backwards without coordination, finding herself falling into a tray of medical instruments that clattered on the ground as well and caused a deafening noise. Meredith herself tries to get a hold of herself but her knees buckle …

The ground vibrates heavily, sending her instincts into overdrive but she is helpless when it comes to the force of nature. An earthquake was a force of nature and she cannot do anything to prevent it from happening. Another lurch strikes the hospital. The whole building shook under the rocking motion. Jo lets out a small scream when she feels the earth move under her feet.

"What just happened?"

"Aftershock. It happens." Alex is fine too as was Jo.

But is with the other surgeon in the operating room? "Are you okay?" Jo couldn't help but worry about her boyfriend which is completely reasonable in the whole situation. "I am good, Jo. No need to worry about me. We need to get this bleeding under control. Can you see what is going on with Dr. Grey?" Alex tries to keep his worries aside and in place. "Wha …" Jo has trouble forming a real sentence because the ground was still swirling, moving under them.

"She is on the floor, not moving. I can't see whether she is injured or not. All I know is that she is unconscious or semi-conscious." She calls back. "Damn earthquake. As if a husband in Washington D.C. isn't enough." Alex mumbles under his breath and hopes the aftershock would soon cease. Jo Wilson looked shocked over to her superior as she shields the patient with her own body. The ground under their feet is still moving uncontrollably.

Glass shatters in a million pieces, sharp pieces and suddenly, the ceiling crumbled at bit.

"Alex." Jo Wilson motioned to the ceiling.

"Alex, look, the ceiling is coming down." Alex tosses a worried glance up to the ceiling, water was dripping and leaking down. Apparently, the water supply has been damaged. If that is going to be okay is highly questionable. And if it is, it will be problematic because this operating room needs to be shut down if water is leaking into a sterile or supposed to be sterile environment.

Meredith groaned suppressed as she regained back consciousness. Slowly, but she did. At first she didn't really know where she was. Then it practically hit her: on an OR floor. Literally. Her blood ran cold as she sees that the ceiling was about to fall down. On her. But she is frozen.

In this moment the pediatric surgeon noticed that Meredith is still lying face down on the hard cold ground. "What the …" He murmurs to himself as he tried to assess the situation.

"Meredith." Alex Karev calls out, worry evident in his voice.

Then the fricking ceiling falls.

With a loud thud debris land on the ground, contaminate the OR floor. Some of the debris also hit Meredith who sits up as the sky starts falling.

With a loud crackle, "Why isn't she answering?" Jo Wilson asks as she keeps an eye on the patient's vital signs and rhythm.

"Stay there. Don't move, you don't know if this was it or if another aftershock is going to come. I need to see what is going on with Meredith."

"Please, Alex, be careful."

Jo's voice shakes as she sees Alex attending to the obviously injured Meredith.

"Mer, come on, don't do this now." He said concerned. He is relieved when he hears her cough loudly and then the peds surgeon sees her sitting up. "Are you okay?" Meredith at first doesn't react properly. She seems unfocused and the blood on her forehead only confirms his suspicions that something is horribly wrong.

"'m fine." Meredith answers as a wave of dizziness hit her though the aftershock had stopped seconds ago.

Meredith still feels weird as she wants to stand up.

"Mer, stop." Alex tries to reason with her. He fears that she could have injured herself in the process.

"Mer, you need to get yourself checked out. Let me do that for you."

"Alex, drop it. I am fine. It was an aftershock, nothing more." Meredith answers wearily, ignoring the stabbing pain in her lower flank. "Grey, the freaking ceiling collapsed on you." Alex Karev told her. "Debris have fallen on you. You could have hurt something in your abdomen." He sounded now very worried. Meredith eyed him shortly before she pulls herself off of the ground. She sways for a moment but then steadies herself.

"I am fine, really, Alex." The general surgeon reassured Alex who didn't seem to believe her.

Her voice was now stronger than it was before.

"I'll scrub again and then I am back." Meredith tells the waiting OR cast as she leaves the OR to get herself cleaned up. After a while, Meredith Grey is back. She enters the OR under the concerned glances of the OR staff. "I am really okay." Mer says for another time.

"But I don't have to believe you, do I?" Alex asks back sarcastically.

"It's a free country, Alex. I can't you know tell you how you're supposed to feel or what to believe in." Meredith rolled her eyes. "Where are we?" She now wants to finish up that damn surgery so she can get out of here to embrace her kids. They must have been so terrified when they experienced the earth is moving.

"Wilson and I decided to remove the kidney. Hopefully the other one is fully functioning, but as a precaution I recommend dialysis." Alex says, glancing at the surgical area. Meredith nodded as another wave of dizziness hit her hard. For a moment she thought she was going to pass out anytime soon.

Maybe she wasn't okay. Isn't okay.

She shakes off that thought as a sharp and agonizing pain shot through her abdomen.

Another wave of dizziness washes over her. Simultaneously, another sharp pain that is stabbong her causes her to cry out in agony. Alex looks up, worry on his face.

"Meredith, are you okay?" He asks.

She winces suppressed, hoping desperately that Wilson and Alex wouldn't notice. But the pain didn't stop. Instead of stopping it flares up. In addition to that her head really hurt, in an excruciating way that makes her want to curl up and die.

But she can't, she has a surgery to finish. But everything was a blur, everything even the OR staff was moving before her very eyes. Amelia had been right.

She had been right- and Meredith had turned her help down.

The damned lucid interval ...

She couldn't get the world around her to stop moving. Faintly, she focused on Wilson, on handing her the scalpel: "Take ... take over for me." She gets out before she stumbles backwards. Her voice was strained. Jo glances over to Alex, he is supposed to be doing something. It was clear that Grey wasn't exactly feeling well.

It seems like she had sustained injuries in the earthquake and the following aftershock.

Once again, the pain in her upper right quadrant intensified as another wave of dizziness and wooziness came over her accompanied by a wave of uncontrollable nausea and that together almost knocked her out.

She couldn't suppress a groan any longer as a sharp, ripping pain seared through her head, nearly causing her to collapse.

Meredith was pale. She stepped away from the OR table, the world still seemed to be spinning. She could vaguely make out the voices of Josephine Wilson and Alex Karev who are shouting at her to stay awake and response. They are now really getting worried. "Dr. Grey." Jo asks as she saw the unsteady balance of her superior and teacher.

"What is going on with you?"

But she gets no answer, Alex scans his colleague - and friend - with a worried expression on his face. She is really pale, as pale as a white wall, she is sweating and she seems like she is in pain, also she is unfocused. She sways as horrible pain hammers through her body.

She couldn't tell if it was coming from her head pr from any other body part ...

There was just ... pain ripping her insides apart.

Soon it becomes unbearable. The pain was no longer on a manageable level. Her breathing quickens and also shallows out ...# Her heartbeat gets irregular as we speak and which was followed by the burning sensation of not beig able to breathe-

She started gasping for air helplessly, turning cyanotic due to lack of oxygen.

Her lungs stop doing the work they are supposed to do. Meredith's eyes are wide open with fear and she continued to have trouble breathing which got worse over seconds and suddenly, along with a sharp pain shooting through her she collapses on the floor.

"Meredith." Alex calls out in fear.

"Crap. Page anybody. She needs a CT, stat."

One of the OR nurses reacts and starts paging someone.

"Who should I page?" Bokey wanted to know as she holds a cell in her hand ready to tipe numbers in it.

"Page Shepherd, her left pupil's blown and unresponsie." Alex says shocked when he checked her pupil reaction.

/

_Darkness surrounded Meredith and she welcomed it because the pain she was in, faded away ..._

_Meredith was no longer conscious._

* * *

_A/N: This is a double - shot based on the promo for episode 15 in season 11. PLEASE REVIEW ..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our conference at Kleiss NeuroScience." A light blue brain flimmers over the screen as the coordinator speaks. "Today we'll hear a few presentations about topics related to brain mapping. Thank you for coming. Let's get this show on the road." Derek Shepherd was sitting in a conference room, at work.

Of course, where else could he possibly have been if not there. Listening to someone from an organization that works with that technigue - imaging brains.

"... and that's why we need to map the brain in order to understand all the connections ..." Derek only listens with half an ear to his colleague's presentation about the future of brain mapping, how it would be a good start to to find cures for diseases for that never have been found a cure or a decent treatment from stopping them from progressing.

Whoever his name was, Derek doesn't remember, was from OHBM, the _Organization for Human Brain Mapping, "who is the primary _in_ternational organization dedicated to using neuroimaging to discover the organization of the human brain."  
_

Their goal is to advance the understanding of the relationship between structure and function in the human brain.

Scientists in this field seek to gain knowledge of the physical processes that underlie human sensation, attention awareness and cognition.

These results are immediately applicable to surgical intervention and to the design of medical interventions which will help a lot of patients in the future. An institute in Germany, the _Jülich Forschungszentrum_ in Düsseldorf / INM-1 develops a 3-D model of the human brain which considers cortical architecture, connectivity, genetics and function – the JuBrain.

Derek knows he was supposed to be attentive but today he had a weird, disturbing feeling that something will happen. Since the thing with the bomb happened and Meredith has had a feeling that day he listened to those feelings.

Derek sighs loudly and shifts in his chair. His gaze wanders to the clock hanging on the white wall. It is 16: 37 p. m. and he wonders what time it is in Seattle. How Mer and the kids are doing right now.

The presenter was now talking about mapping the Hippocampus and entorhinal cortex, as well as the Premotor cortex, Motor cortex ...

He also mentioned the words Amygdala (superficial, latero-basal and centro-medial complex) and Broca's region (Area 44 / Area 45) and Occipital cortex BA 17 and BA 18 (V1 / V2), Dorsal extrastriate cortex (hoC3d / hoC4d) Ventral extrastriate cortex (hoC3v, hoC4v) hoC5 (V5 / MT+) Gyrus fusiformis, Parietal cortex Primary somatosensory cortex (Area 2) Primary somatosensory cortex (Areas 3a, 3b, 1) and lots of other terms that are refering to specific parts of the brain.

Derek tries to focus on what they are talking about.

A farrago of numbers and facts ... that were only interested for those who work in neuroscience.

The PowerPoint presented shows images of brains, three - dimensional and the different areas were marked in different colors. "Wow." Derek mouthed to his colleague that was sitting next to him on the table.

"It's amazing, right? What they do with those supercomputers nowadays, discovering the most difficult parts of the body like the human brain. Mapping it so it can be seen on the screen ..."

Pure astonishment could be heard in the man's voice who answered to his reaction.

"... which will be showing those parts of the brain in three dimensional atlas with the help of supercomputers ..." The man who is from OHBM continues with an incredibly loud noise: "... our brain mapping initiative will lead us one step closer to curing horrible diseases like Alzheimer's ..." A this point, Derek's nerves are all over the place.

He knows something is wrong, he just cannot pinpoint it.

Meredith. Maybe it's about her, maybe ... The last time Meredith and Derek had seen each other was before he left - they have had a little yelling match. He needs to make a call.

Just one quick call to Seattle to put his mind at ease. But right now, he can't exactly leave the room. Not with all the staff of the NIH staring at him when he decides to stand up.

There won't be a break for maybe an hour, if he was lucky he could get out of here in thirty minutes when there is this five minute break before there will be another presentation about NeuroScience.

He needs to make this call, he has the feeling something will happen ... He needs to know if Meredith and his kids are okay. It was just a feeling in his gut.

"Later we come to Polarized Light Imaging ..."

_Hm, that's sound interesting ..._

Maybe this wasn't going to be as boring as he thinks it will be.

"Polarized Light Imaging uses ... to understand the functionality of these networks, it is indispensable to know their anatomical connections. Three - dimensional polarized light imaging represents a novel neuroimaging technique to map nerve fibers, i.e. myelinated axons, and their pathways in human postmortem brains with a resolution at the sub-millimeter scale ..."

Normally a topic he would be elated to listen to presentations or do some work.

With his sensors, with his microsensors he had invented for a project with Dr. Callie Torres back at Grey Sloan Memorial. It was how he got here, how the president got attracted by the work he was doing with the sensors - and now he was here, in Washington D. C. without his children Zola and Bailey and without Meredith.

His kids - they were growing up so fast and he hasn't had much to skype with them ... Will they even remember him when he comes back home? He doesn't know.

"May I direct your attention to ...?" The man from OHBM says and causes Derek to look up.

A new image was covering the screen. A human brain with colored points and dots in red and purple and all that means something important.

"Here you see that ..."

Derek looks around, watches the other's reactions. Their views are nearly glued to the screen- only he couldn't focus on anything. What was going on with him, why couldn't he focus on the things he is interested in ...

He is here for a job not for fun.

Dr. Derek Shepherd is here to map the human brain.

It was why he was here and not on the west coast, spending time with his family. He is unaware of what had happened there, what a natural disaster occured there totally unexpected. It was all over the news. But neurosurgeon Shepherd still didn't know about it.

He is busy listening to some presentations although his mind is a little off today ...

Derek hasn't heard about the earthquake that had hit Seattle just minutes ago.

Otherwise he would have been on the first plane back to Seattle. But Derek Shepherd didn't know anything about the current situation in Seattle. The life-threatening state his wife was in - a brain bleed that threatens to take her life.

Voices in the background, distinct murmurs of colleagues were audible but Derek didn't listen.

"I ... light ..." Someone says to his immediate *neighbor*.

"Dr. Shepherd, are we boring you or would you mind tell us your opinion to this specific topic?" The man who just presented a flawless presentation to the topic 'BrainMapping' is watching the neurosurgeon intendly.

"Uh." Derek clears his throat.

It was a good presentation, sure but somehow he misses rainy Seattle. He wishes that they could transfer the project there but that's just a wish that most certainly never would come true.

"I've been listening, Sir. And I totally agree with that approach." Shepherd answers, all people turned to him as he states his opinion. As he sits down on his chair again he exhales slowly.

He tells this feeling in his gut to disappear, he is at work at right now and he loves brain mapping - but he hates being so far away from his family - but despite Derek wasn't thinking about it anymore or at least he tries not too the feeling doesn't disappear.

Derek Shepherd scribbles notes on his writing pad.

Something unreadable about newest neuro science project and neurotransmitters and this Polarized Light Imaging. His notes are very detailed and he wants to go over them again when he's back in his office.

"How about we all take a break and meet in ten minutes again in this room?" One of the chairmen suggested as the man had stopped speaking.

"Sounds good."

All physicians and the other scientists who listened to that oral presention with support of PowerPoint, stand up while chatting to others about the lecture.

"Yes." Derek mumbles inaudibly and was one of the first who jostles through the door that sepates the conference room from the dimly lit floor.

"Hey." Someone complains as Derek as he elbowed his way through the crowd. "Whatever's going on, there is no need to push. You should try being patient." The man hisses, obviously he doesn't agree with Derek's behaviour. "I am patient." Derek snapped. The man scoffed in response.

Derek doesn't care.

When he was standing on the corridor with many other people, he checked his handy for news, maybe Meredith had sent a mail or something. But she hasn't ... Which was normal, 'cause Derek remembered that she wasn't big on all this text messenger system thing. His hands shake slightly as he fidges with his cell, viewing the newest news.

"Have you heard ..." Someone next to him says as he briefly looks up.

He was face to face with someone from another institute, Derek didn't know if he was working for the _National Institutes of Health_ or not. "What should I have heard?" Derek asks back a little bit indignant, although his 'colleague' doesn't seem very offended.

"There was something with a natural disaster on the west coast."

Derek's blood froze momentarily.

No. Not the west coast.

His feeling has been fricking right. But didn't know that it was much worse than he thinks.

He stares at the wall, then frantically typing something on his cell phone. "Are you okay, Dr. ..." He stopped to see his name on his badge. "Dr. Shepherd?" Derek doesn't seem to listen.

* * *

Wilson and I decided to remove the kidney.

Hopefully the other one is fully functioning, but as a precaution I recommend dialysis." Alex says, glancing at the surgical area. Meredith nodded as another wave of dizziness hit her hard. For a moment she thought she was going to pass out anytime soon.

Maybe she wasn't okay. Isn't okay.

She shakes off that thought as a sharp and agonizing pain shot through her abdomen. Another wave of dizziness washes over her. Simultaneously, another sharp pain that is stabbing her causes her to cry out in agony. Alex looks up, worry covering his his face.

She staggers a bit. Alex was alarmed. "You sure you don't want me to page anyone?" He wants to but Meredith silences him with a glare. They start finishing the surgery but a few minutes into the surgery Meredith gets more and more unfocused. Nausea was buillding up in her, this was definitely a head injury.

Her feeling like crap didn't go unnoticed by her colleagues who become more and more concerned.

"Meredith, are you okay?" Alex asks.

"Ye .. yes." She snapped.

For a moment she closed her eyes trying to compose herself. She is feeling dizzy again, it is only a matter of time before she loses consciousness. Meredith inhales and exhales, trying to make to world stop spinning around her ... God, she really wasn't good on this whole 'mind over matter' - thing.

She never has been.

But right now she needed it more than ever.

But she also needed medical attention. She knows that too. She has been married to a neurosurgeon for so many years, she knows the signs of head trauma.

But right now it doesn't matter.

She winces suppressed, hoping desperately that Wilson and Alex wouldn't notice. But the pain didn't stop. Instead of stopping it flares up. In addition to that her head really hurt, in an excruciating way that makes her want to curl up and die.

But she can't, she has a surgery to finish. But everything was a blur, everything even the OR staff was moving before her very eyes. Amelia had been right. Amelia had been right with her assumption something could be wrong. Apparently not only _could_ but _is_. She had been right- and Meredith had turned her help down.

She couldn't get the world around her to stop moving.

Faintly, she focused on Wilson, on handing her the scalpel: "Take ... take over for me."

She gets out before she stumbles backwards. Her voice was strained. Jo glances over to Alex, he is supposed to be doing something. It was clear that Grey wasn't exactly feeling well.

That she was hurt.

That the earthquake had done more harm than anticipated.

"Alex, do something." Jo whispers not taking her eyes of Meredith. She was unable to. As Alex."Now. I can hold him stable and you go take care of Meredith." Jo was full - on in doctor mode.

Alex was shocked how everything could have gone that wrong without even noticing.

"Alex, she is about to collapse. Do something, you need to help her, I can handle this patient, the hard part's over. Grey needs a doctor, now go." Jo screams at her boyfriend who still wasn't moving.

"_Dr. Karev_, she needs help." She tries for another time. "That I can't give to her." Finally Alex looks up to Meredith who was swaying, still breathing heavily. "Don' need help, 'm fine." Meredith gets out in between some gasps. "You're not fine, don't argue with me on this one." Alex huffs.

"You need to step aside. Jo will take over for you and will page someone to look at you. And don't even think about protesting 'cause this, this is non - negotiable." Alex told her.

It seems like she had sustained injuries in the earthquake and the following aftershock.

Once again, the pain in her upper right quadrant intensified as another wave of dizziness and wooziness came over her accompanied by a wave of uncontrollable nausea and that together almost knocked her out.

Almost.

But soon, she has feeling that she will in the next minutes. The unescapeable will happen.

She couldn't suppress a groan any longer as a sharp, ripping pain seared through her head, nearly causing her to collapse.

Meredith was pale. She stepped away from the OR table, the world still seemed to be spinning. She could vaguely make out the voices of Josephine Wilson and Alex Karev who are shouting at her to stay awake and response. They are now really getting worried. "Dr. Grey." Jo asks as she saw the unsteady balance of her superior and teacher.

"Alex, I told you. I can handle the patient, you need to help Grey." She said again.

"What is going on with you?"

But she gets no answer, Alex scans his colleague - and friend - with a worried expression on his face. She is really pale, as pale as a white wall, she is sweating and she seems like she is in pain, also she is unfocused. She sways as horrible pain hammers through her body.

Meredith couldn't tell if it was coming from her head or from any other body part ...

There was just ... pain ripping her insides apart.

Soon it becomes unbearable. The pain was no longer on a manageable level. Her breathing quickens and also shallows out ... Her heartbeat gets irregular as we speak and which was followed by the burning sensation of not beig able to breathe-

She started gasping for air helplessly, turning cyanotic due to lack of oxygen.

Lungs stop doing the work they are supposed to do. Meredith's eyes are wide open with fear and she continued to have trouble breathing which got worse over seconds and suddenly, along with a sharp pain shooting through her she collapses on the floor.

"Meredith." Alex calls out in fear.

Meredith doesn't react, of course she doesn't ...

Her body went limp, she loses consciousness before she even hits the ground. Her eyes were closed and her chest heaves noticeably with each breath she took.

Alex stumbles backwards as he saw what was happening, Jo is it who keeps the patient alive. This is her chance to show how good a doctor she is, how she stays calm under pressure.

"Crap. Page anybody. She needs a computed tomography, stat."

One of the OR nurses reacts and starts paging someone. Anyone. This is Grey we're talking about. Why does it always have to be her and not someone else. "Who should I page?" Bokey wanted to know as she holds a cell in her hand ready to type numbers in it. Crap, Alex thought. Why couldn't she catch a break, just for once.

_"Page Shepherd, her left pupil's blown and unresponsive." Alex says shocked when he checked her pupil reaction._

"Got it. I am on it." The nurse replied and quickly speed dialed a number. The number to Amelia's pager.

"Alex, what's going on." Jo sees the rising panic and fear in Alex's face. "She needs Amelia, she has a bleed or something ..." Alex Karev couldn't quite believe that this is actually happening. This damned earthquake, why does it have to happen. "What do you think it is?" Jo presses.

"She ... has no time. She is apneic, this progresses rapidly. Amelia should hurry."

Alex's voice shakes.

"She is the only one who is still here from our intern group."

"Alex, you need to focus. Get her on a monitor, she needs oxygen administered and she needs an access for i. v. meds." Jo orders, she knows right now Alex isn't able to help her so she coordinates the ongoing situation.

When she was connected to a monitor both surgeons saw that her heartbeat was stable but her blood pressure wasn't the best. It was relatively unstable. Her left pupil's still blown and unresponsive to light.

It was low.

"It's too low." Alex says after looking at the numbers.

"We need to push IV crystalloids to maintain adequate blood pressure. And a BVM, I am going to bag her. Move." Alex has finally gotten himself together and was now acting like a professional. As a nurse brought the supplies Alex took of administering the right medication in the right dosage and then started bagging her.

They would intubate when Amelia gets here. Hopefully that would be quite soon. Meredith doesn't have very much time ...

"Here you go, doctor." The nurse says as she hands him the needed supplies. After he had i. v. access he starts bagging her. "Get me anti seizure medication in case she start seizing, I want to push those meds immediately if neccessary ..."

He had barely time to finish that sentence.

As soon as he has finished that sentence Meredith starting seizing.

* * *

The whole hospital is in state of emergency.

It teetered on the brink of disaster. Parts of the hospital were destroyed but it was too soon to make an elaboration of all the damage that has been done. They could do nothing more than just trying to make the best out of the situation - which wasn't easy.

Amelia attends to the head wound of Maggie Pierce who has been freed.

A few minutes ago she was trapped in an elevator. When the earthquake happened she hit her head against the elevators. A few minutes later Amelia Shepherd finished stitching up that head found.

She also does a neuro exam.

Luckily, Maggie isn't that stubborn as Meredith is.

"I like it that you aren't as stubborn as Grey." Amelia laughs and smiles at Pierce as she did the neuro exam. "What, why?" Maggie looks at her as she had no idea.

"Why wouldn't she let you do that?" Maggie repeats her question.

"She's just very stubborn - even if it's for her best if she just had let me do the exam." Amelia explains. "Okay, we're done here. You're fine." The neurosurgeon pulls off her gloves and just as she was about to toss them into the trash can her pager beeps loudly. A loud disturbing noise resounded in the room. A pager.

It was perfectly quiet. Amelia automatically holds her breath as she hears the beeping. She doesn't want it to be hers. "Whose pager was it?" Amelia questions Maggie who just shrugged.

"It's not mine. You should check yours, Dr. Shepherd." Amelia nodded.

"I probably should."

"Yours." Maggie replies.

Amelia Shepherd pulls her pager from her waist and looks at it with a frown.

For sure, it is some earthquake or aftershock victim and they need her to do a consult. Her eyes are wide with shock and fear when she reads the pager message. It was Karev who is paging her to OR 3. That was a case with adominal trauma in a kid, why do they need her?

Then she sees it ...

_911 Come to OR3 stat; it's Meredith, with suspected intracranial bleeding  
_

Amelia gasps as she reads who pages her.

And _why_ they were paging her.

"I ... Oh, crap. Crap. Crap." Amelia rushes out of the room in no time.

This was a _nightmare _she wanted to wake up from - now.

Meredith's life is on the line and Derek could never forgive her if she lets her die.

So she can't let her die, she can't. She needs to save her, no matter what.

He would blame her. He would never forgive himself for being such an ass leaving her to go to D. C.

Amelia runs.

Her heart hammering loudly in her chest.

But stopped dead in her tracks when she sees that the hallway leading to OR 3 and 4 is completely destroyed, shelves have fallen over, medical supplies were lying everywhere and debris and other things were lying in shrambles, she was ice cold and her heart is beating so loud she can hear it in her ears. Her stomach twisted in knots as she stares at the damage - completely stunned.

She estamates quickly how the chances are she will make it through that chaos without injuries.

If there is another aftershock, she could get killed ... So much was clear.

Amelia stops abruptly when she sees that the hallway to OR 3 was completely lying in shrambles that it has been completely destroyed in the quake ...

For that much damage she wasn't prepared for. The whole hallway was lying in crumbles, debris and metal, woods et cetera were covering the floor. It was almost undoable to get through it. So that it has been declared as a off limits area. But Amelia didn't care she had no choice.

But she had no choice either and that was also clear.

In that moment, Owen Hunt appears in her angle of view.

Oh no, Amelia thought, for sure Owen won't let her tread that hallway. "Amelia, wait. Where are you going, this area's been declared as unstable due to previous water damage. You can't go there. You could get killed when there is something, when something unexpected happens, you could get trapped between debris."

"I won't, and I have no choice." Amelia cut him off.

Owen knows he has to stop her from doing something that might cost her life.

"This hallway's off limits." Owen shouts as he sees Amelia running to a total destroyed hallway. "I have no choice." Amelia rejects,

"They're paging me 911 in OR 3. Excuse me but if you won't mind, there are lifes on the line, lifes that we still can save."

"I am thinking about you here, Amelia. I care about you and as the chief of surgery I can't account for that. I can't allow that."

Owen was breathing heavily as he finished this sentence.

But Amelia just shrugged him off and was about tho leave the safe hallway to enter the hallway with the unstable walls and the ceiling seemed as it was about crumble too. Shoddy celing and its constructions - metal rods were sticking out of the ceiling like icicles. Amelia slowly turns around.

She was freaking out. Amelia Shepherd, Dr. Amelia Shepherd was about to perform a surgery - a potiential surgery - on her sister in law plus she was well aware of the fact that she had now business in performing that surgery due to the fact that family isn't allowed to treat family. Meredith is family, even more than her real sisters ...

"Well, you don't have to. I will go anyway. Derek will murder me if I let his wife die without even trying. So, yes, that's family does for each other. Meredith needs me. She probably has an epidural bleed, I should have done the damn CT when she said she was fine. I should have known, that's so Meredith - like. She is back to her old dark and twisty self she was when Derek went back to Addison."

She is breathing heavily, her eyes fixated on Owen before she sets foot into the crumbled hallway, hoping nothing would crash down on her and injure her 'cause she was Meredith's only chance.

Amy was wasting time with talking to Owen she knows he only wants what's best for her but right now isn't the right time.

"Owen." Amelia cries out, in a terrific voice.

"What?" He asks back, he stops his rant about her not being safe with that unstable corridor and all ...

... but ...

"You're wasting my time, Meredith's time. Time she doesn't have. She could have suffered brain damage by now, irreversible brain damage, she could be dead by the time I get there. I really have no time to discuss things, I have to save my only brother's wife while he isn't even in the state ... God, this is so fucked up." Amelia now looks freaked, completely freaked.

"Are you freaked?"

"I am about to operate on my brother's wife, my only brother's wife who will fricking kill me if I murder his wife if she dies in my OR he'll never be able to forgive me, heck, I won't be able too ... But if you ask if I am freaked out then no. I am so absolutely non - freaked that I am perfectly fine, so non freaked, yeah ..."

Obviously, Meredith isn't the only one who tends to ramble when she is nervous.

"I am absolutely not freaked." Amelia assures him in a shaky voice.

"Good, that's good. I believe you can do this."

Apparently, Owen has changed his mind. "You changed your mind." It wasn't a question. It was a statement, nothing more. "Go, but be careful." He says, worry flickering in his eyes. "You are great, you'll do this, you'll pull this off ..."

Amelia only nodded.

"Do you need me ..."

"No, but thanks though. It is neuro, you know." Amelia replies as she turns to go.

Then she makes herself a path through the chaos hoping that everything would turn out okay. When she reached the end of the hall, the floor was clean - no more signs of chaos. The neurosurgeon runs the last few meters to the operating rooms, she opens the door to the scrub room of OR 3, grabbing a surgical mask and then she enters the OR ...

She is so not prepared for what she is about to see: Her sister in law seizing, on the ground before her very eyes.

Her hand clasped on her mouth in shock, then she turns into doctor mode.

Meredith is just a regular patient, she tells herself over and over again, she won't do anything good when she is like this. Meredith needs her to be the confident, composed and overly qualified neurosurgeon to stop the hemorrhage. How could she have missed the fricking signs. It's ... family, that's the reason why. She believed her without questioning it.

_She did but still, Amelia relied on the things Meredith had told her._

_She shouldn't have believed her, not without proof, proof she could rely on._

_Not without a CT scan._

_But CT has been shut down due to damage, the CT won't be a use right now._

_Not without freaking proof._

_An MRI?_

Meredith has no time for magnetic resonance imaging either. Crap. Meredith has gotten herself in a _nice_ catch 22 situation. How could she ride herself so against the wall, how does Meredith always get in those difficult situation, difficult to manage situations. She really knows how to get herself into a _nice_ predicament. This was just _great_. How ironic was that, huh?

_So much for not being freaked out ..._

"I'm here. How's she doing, get me her vitals and ..." She stops in the middle of the sentence when sees Meredith seizing. Alex looks up, he recognizes the neurosurgeon immediately. "Thank God you're here." Alex breathes a sign of relief.

"She just started, we're about to give her meds to make it stop."

It took her a second to react but then she tosses all her worries aside and attends to Meredith, she needs her right now 'cause it is kinda obvious that this is a brain thing.

A real bad brain thing.

* * *

Derek Shepherd just stares at the screen of his cell, it had just loaded the newest news nationwide. _EARTHQUAKE HITS SEATTLE WITH FULL FORCE ... _Derek's breath hitches. His lungs rattle as he forces oxygen into them. No, no. This was a complete and utter nightmare. This was not how this was supposed to play out. Shakingly, he reads the full article, scrolls to the end of the webpage and reads it all over again.

_"SEATTLE An unexpected earthquake hit Seattle from Seattle downtown to Puget Lowland. Experts are talking about a magnitude of 6.2 ... The most affected area was Seattle and with that the earthquake also destroyed homes of families, made people stop being able to maintain their vehicles which resulted in some minor crashs ..._"

Derek closes his eyes for a second, just a second ...

... desperately trying to get a hold of his feelings that are trying to overwhelm him.

Then there was something about moving tetonic planes but he doesn't care about something other than the fact that there has been an earthquake in the urban area near Seattle and in the city Seattle.

Derek struggles to breathe, his mind was racing and his instincts and feelings in overdrive. This was wrong. There had to be a mistake. Meredith and his kids just have to be okay, Amelia is there too. Half his family lives in Seattle ... If something happened to them he can't imagine what is going to be ...

"Are you okay?" The dark-haired men next to him asks worriedly as he points to the phone he still has in his hand.

"My wife ... my kids ..." Derek chokes out.

* * *

_A/N: I have absolutely no idea how the whole brain mapping thing works Derek's so obsessed off ... Also, this chapter's mainly Derek's perspective of how he gets to know what happened in Seattle, and hey, surprise, he is going to blame himself for not being there for his family when it did happen. Amelia's freaked out because of the page ... Well, who wouldn't be?!  
_

_PLEASE REVIEW ..._

_I want to know what you think ... also thanks for reviewing my first chapter. But I was wrong this won't just be a double - shot, there are going to be more chapters than just two, so stay tuned ;)))_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

"My wife ... my kids ..." Derek chokes out. "They're in Seattle. They ... could be hurt and I'm here."

Everything comes crashing down on him. His world stops for a moment and he staggers a few steps until his back meets the cold hard wall. He breathes heavily as he tries to compose himself. Derek's heart is beating erratically in his chest. He feels like he has been hit by a ton of bricks all at once. So it feels like that when everything he lives for goes down the line. There was nothing he could do except trying to breathe and figure out what to do. Although there isn't very much to think about: He has to go back to Seattle, no matter what.

This, all of this here, doesn't matter if he loses his family.

It's just a job, a job he so desperately wanted that he never really saw what it did to his family.

None of that matters anymore when he loses his family. It took him an earthquake to realize that. That is ... Derek shakes his head. In his mind the constant worry about Meredith, Zola, Bailey and even his younger sister Amelia. He can't lose them.

An earthquake just hit Seattle and Derek Shepherd doesn't know whether his family is okay or not. Whether they are still alive or not. He can't live without them ... he can't.

He can't.

And right now he can't even make sure they're okay because he isn't there. He simply isn't there when his family needs protection. He failed Meredith for another time, once again he had let her down. And that's what hurts. He can't make sure his family is okay or not because as painful as it is, he is currently on the other side of the fricking country and with that a five hour flight away from Seattle. That is when he can catch a seat on a plane non-stop. But since it's pretty much on short short notice he honestly doubts he will be able to catch a plane that's headed directly over to Seattle.

More likely, he will have to take a plane with a layover in some city between Washington D. C. and Seattle which is unfortunate but he has to take the first flight down. _Has_. Derek doesn't have a choice on this one.

What if his worst fears have become reality and he, Derek, isn't there?

So many what ifs and potential outcomes ...

It's what freaks him out, not knowing whether his family is okay, freaks him out. It's what's causing him to panic. Suddenly the world - renowned neurosurgeon had trouble to breathe as equally as it gets to him. The 'finality' of his current situation. Panic floods through his system and with that his nervous system gets sent into overdrive.

He feels as if his heart is starting to beat irregularly and hollowly in his chest.

For once he curses his job and sees what it does to his family, his family that was happy before this job came into the picture. For a moment Derek closes his eyes, pleading silently that this was just a nightmare he was going to wake up from any moment. But he had to accept that this was the harsh reality.

"Sir, are you okay?" A male voice next to him says, apparently someone was speaking to him.

"I have family in Seattle." Derek chokes out for another time. It was the man who had told him about what happened in Seattle. "You might want to call them, you're Dr. Shepherd, right?" Derek nods. It is irrelevant who he is right now, all that matters is that his family is okay.

_Meredith._

_Zola.  
_

_Bailey._

_Amy._

They are all in Seattle. He was the only one who wasn't there.

"You have kids, don't you? I've seen the pictures once, when I was in your office. You don't remember do you?" 'What's his name' says, he was getting on Derek's nerves. "I have kids, yes but could you please just ..." Derek tries to think of a nice way to make him shut up.

"I'm Ben Morrison by the way. I can organize you a ticket back to Seattle if you want. I have the connections to the right people and I could pull some strings if you want me to. It's just an offer, you know." The man suggests, trying to be helpful.

But Derek only heard one thing, the part where it was suggested that he should call them.

"Yeah, I might try that. Thanks." Derek stammers helpless and immediately starts pressing some buttons on his cell phone. Automatically, his fingers scroll to Meredith's name in his white pages. While he did that he slowly veers away from the crowd of happily chatting people.

He can't deal with that right now.

Derek Shepherd presses the cell against his ear and waits for his wife to answer her phone. He needs her answer her phone, he needs her to be okay. He impatiently waits for her familiar voice greeting him.

But there was just the free line signal in his ears.

Meredith herself isn't answering her cell phone. Maybe she is working, and she can't answer right now, he tries to calm himself down. Somehow it wasn't working. He was just as worried as he was before. That didn't change anything. "Damn it, why isn't she answering her damn phone." He says worriedly in a hushed tone.

He doesn't want the whole hallway to hear what he says.

He doesn't want that.

Derek dials her number again. She just needs to answer. That's all. But he doesn't know that she can't, that she isn't able to and that Amelia is about to take her up to surgery - he doesn't know that now.

When she doesn't answer and it's just the dial tone again he begins to worry. He fears the worst of the worst things that could have happened to his wife. That the earthquake could have killed her and he didn't even know she was dead. And that's why she isn't answering her phone.

Derek swears his heart stopped for a second then. No.

No. His mind wouldn't allow that thought.

_She can't be dead, she just can't be ... Please don't let her be dead but safe and sound._

Or she was hurt, so badly that she can't answer her phone ... Silently, he begins to bargain to whoever, that she's still alive. Or another reason for her not answering her phone could be that she was working, operating on victims of the earthquake that had hit Seattle. He hopes so badly that reason is the reason for her not answering her cell.

He's okay with that.

But he's definitely not okay with the terrifying thought that she could be hurt or one of his kids could be hurt ...

That's ... there are no words for that.

But if she's working one of the OR nurses would have answered and held the phone to her ear so she could operate and talk to whoever is on the other line. But nobody answered the phone. Not her and not anyone else.

He couldn't lose his wife yet. He wasn't ready for stop loving her, even if he has been an ass latly. How can it end like this? This isn't how we end, she'd said on the phone after he left. He can't remember the last time he had spoken to her in reality and that without the yelling and fighting.

How can that be it?

How can it?

It just can't it's not possible.

He, on the other side of the country, frantic. Waiting on news from GSMH. Anyone ... Someone has to answer the phone. He can't make a clear thought everything was a mess. Then, he comes to a decision.

He looks at the watch. Maybe he can still catch an early flight to Seattle. Maybe. He just has to keep the faith. When the others enter the conference room again, Dr. Derek Shepherd leaves. He takes the opposite direction, he just stops to grab his purse and then he runs outside. Yelling at a taxi driver to drive him the fastest way to the airport ...

* * *

Amelia was in full - on doctor mode and tosses every thought aside that hasn't has anything to do with medicine. After she injects the right medicine Meredith slowly stops seizing and everyone in the OR breathes a sign of relief. "Rapd Sequence Intubation." Amelia says "She can't go on like any longer, she needs to be inbated right away."

"I'll get an intubation tray. It's coming right up."

While they are waiting Amelia did a quick neuro exam on her e g Glasgow Coma Scale to see with what situation they are dealing with. No verbal response, Meredith isn't even conscious. So only one point. She also wasn't able to talk, so that is also only one point. Decerebrate rigidity, which makes two points.

"It's low, isn't it?" Alex asks, already knowing the answer.

Amelia only nods.

She has a GCS of 4 which is bad, as in really bad.

Then the nurse was coming, in her hands she was carrying the supplies they need.

"Is OR 4 ready and prepped for us? I don't want any unneccessary delays." Amelia asks without looking up. "They are prepping it as we speak." The nurse replies.

Amelia nods as she intubates Meredith using the Rapid Sequence Technique.

When the tube was in, her vitals that were fluctuating, stabilized.

"Okay, we're okay." Amelia says and did a repeated neuro exam. "But we really need to get in there. When's that OR ready?" She shouts out of sudden. "I see what I can do." Someone she doesn't know, replies. "Then do so, this is one of our own." Amelia is getting nervous with squandering that much time. Value time. She could be in the OR right now, relieving the pressure that building up in Meredith's brain.

It was quiet in the OR until Jo interrupts still standing near table and having an eye on the patient's vitals while the others are attending to Meredith.

"I don't want to interrupt, I know you're trying to save Grey's life but what about the patient." Jo asks. The abdomen was still wide open. "Check for any remaining bleeders, check the anastomosis and then close up. You already flew solo, you can do it." Alex gives back. Jo stares at him with an open mouth.

"But Alex, he's a kid, what if he dies due to my lack of experience." Jo is scared of doing sth. wrong. "I am scared of failing." She admits. "The only thing you're doing wrong is that we're discussing and squandering time, time you could use for doing what I told you to do. You spent lots of time in pediatrics you know how this works. Confidence, Jo, that is the secret, now do it."

"Fine, I'll do it. But it was your choice." Jo replies as she tends to the patient who is still lying open on the table. "Good, Jo, you remember that you can do this, your a second year resident and you can do this. I have faith in you that you won't kill this child even if you're into orthopedics." Alex reassures as he watches Meredith's sats and vitals on the monitor.

They are prepping for transfering her to OR 4 that is also getting ready and prepped for them.

"Just because I am into orthopedics it doesn't have to mean that I don't like peds. I do, but just not enough. Not like I love orthopedics." Jo tells him, silently she checks everything extra carefully.

"Are you okay up there?" Alex wants to know.

"So far, so good. How is Meredith." Jo looks up from the work she was doing. "I am almost done here."

"How does it look?" Alex asks. "I'm good, Alex, I am really. Go worry about Meredith who really needs your attention." He nods. "You might be right."

"I am always right."

"Oh, could you please just stop?!" Amelia's loud voice interrupted their conversation.

Jo Wilson looks up in surprise.

It was Amelia Shepherd who stops the bickering of the two of them with a loud commanding voice. Jo and Alex instantly stop talking. Quiet takes over the OR. "That's better so I can work more concentrated." Amelia talks to herself.

"Is there anything I can do?" Alex asks. "You can shut up and let me work." Amelia snaps at him. "There is always something you can do even if it's just a small thing, c'mon let me help." Amelia looks up. "You can't. You and Meredith are too close. You can't be her doctor right now." Amelia tells him.

"But you're in the right shape to help her, are you?" Alex bites back.

"I have no choice." She gets out.

Amelia breathes heavily.

"My choices currently are letting her die or try and save her life. Or I could let a second year resident do the procedure. Which one do you prefer?" That is a rhetorical question, that was clear from the way she asks the question. Alex only huffs in response but then it was quiet.

Jo silently checks everything and then closes the patient up.

"I am finishing the patient up." She says. "Is there any way the patient can be transported to recovery or is the hallway down?" Jo Wilson asks nobody in particular. Alex looks up from the monitor he is loooking at and glances over Jo Wilson. "You can't go out there, Jo. There is no way you get him to recovery. He has to stay here, it's the safer option. The hallway's completely destroyed. I don't want anything happening to you." Alex confesses.

"Safe?!"

Jo glances at Meredith, then back to Alex. Her message war crystal clear. "You call that safe?" She motions helplessly to the ceiling on the ground, whereas Alex keeps staring at the heart monitor Meredith was connected to. "The fricking ceiling went down _on _her. On her. You call her lying in a puddle of chunks that used to be the ceiling. How does that sound safe to you? That is not safe, that's ..."

Jo is breathing heavily, this situation also took its toll on her.

She had to finish up this patient without a more experienced surgeon looking over her shoulder 'cause they are all occupied by trying to keep Meredith stable until the OR's ready for Amelia to start to evacuate the bleeder.

"Don't you want to do the scans first?" Someone asks. "Isn't CT shut down?" Amelia asks back. "MRI takes too long, we ... I can do this ... I can do this ... without killing her or making the wrong move. I can do this, this is just any other patient. Just a patient, nothing more." She murmurs to herself.

"No time for scans we need to move now." She said.

Then, suddenly more self - confident: "I go in blind, I have to. Is the OR now prepped."

"Yes."

"Good, let's move before she bleeds out before I get the chance to open her up. Hurry." Amelia commands as the nurses push the gurney with Meredith on it to OR 4. Gladly, the way was clear. There were no debris or chunks of ceiling or walls that have been destroyed, no, that hallway's clear.

Amelia enters the scrub room, her heart was beating erratically in her chest.

Someone had followed her. She turns around, recognizing Alex Karev. "Don't you have a patient to monitor? I believe you do."

Alex ignores her harsh reaction, he blames it on the fact that she is about to open up Meredith.

"You sure you can do this?"

"Yes. I believe I can do this. I've treated a lot of neurotraumas."

"But none of them were your sister in law." Alex contradicts. "I know. But in this case we have no choice. Believe me, I asked her to get checked out, I told her it's better to get it checked out. I just should have known it. And I am going to fix my mistake." Amelia sounds determined to save Meredith's life. He leans against the sink as he watched Amelia washing herself sterile.

"I wish you luck. And Meredith ..." He looks through the window at her. "You better pull through, have you heard me?"

Amelia smiles excusingly at him. "Go monitor your patient, your girlfriend has fixed him up and you'll monitor his post - op progress. I've got it here, Alex. Really I do."

Then she enters the OR.

This was not how her day was supposed to play out. Not in her dreams she had imagined she has her brother's wife on the table, cutting into her brain due to traumatic brain injury. She could have never imagined that before the earthquake thing happened.

Then, when Amelia Shepherd was ready, she sees a shadow next to her.

It was Owen Hunt.

"You don't think that I would have let you do this all by yourself." He whispers.

"Have you informed Derek? Does he know _who_ is operating on his wife?" Amelia's voice was toneless. "Bailey takes care of that after she finishes up with her patient in the pit." Owen explains. "I don't have the number to his office so ... I asked Bailey to do it for me."

"Does she know? Also, we might need a general consult too. The ceiling fell." Amelia says, her voice shaking as she glances over to Meredith. She seems so vulnerable in that sterile environment lying on that table, intubated. She is supposed to be working in that OR, not taking the easy way out of work and landing as a patient on that table.

This damned earthquake. Amelia curses this day.

If something goes wrong, Derek will blame her forever. Forever. She will too. If she wakes up gorked or never wakes up or worst case, she dies - she'll never ever forgive herself. This was definitely catch 22. Definitely. She has no choice, she has to do this. And she can do this.

Amelia Shepherd, brilliant neurosurgeon; sister of Derek Shepherd who is also a neurosurgeon; has the skills and knowledge to do this, to save her sister in law.

She can do this.

"I can do this."

"You can." Owen confirms.

* * *

As Owen passes Dr. Bailey, he was trying to reach Derek. But he just reaches voice mail. Keeps reaching voice mail. Someone has to inform what happened. Since Cristina's in Switzerland, she has changed her medical proxy to Alex and Derek. Well, since Alex's already been *informed* it's just Derek who is left and needs to be informed.

"Bailey."

"Hunt." She replies and turnes around when she hears Dr. Owen Hunt speaking to her. Owen stares at his cell, he needs to be in OR 4, they're about to start Meredith's surgery. It's not fair. Also, he has thankless task to inform Derek that his wife is having neurosurgery as they speak. Irony, right?!

He looks stressed.

The whole hospital is falling apart and there wasn't anything he could do about it. But he could be in OR 4 right now, to encourage Amelia if she needs it. This wasn't just any patient.

"What?" He asks. He has been distracted by the fact that his maybe - girlfriend is operating on Meredith aka her sister in law. "Why are you so distracted?" Bailey wants to know. She glances at the trauma surgeon's face that clearly tells her that something in wrong. Very wrong.

"We kinda have a situation right now." He says.

"What situation." Bailey asks back. "For all I know is that the ceiling could fall." Her voice was dripping of sarcasm.

Owen looks at her stunned. He doesn't expected Bailey to know. He thinks he and Amelia and the current OR staff are the only one's who know what has happened. "So you know what happened in OR 3?"

His question hangs in the air.

Bailey stares at the trauma surgeon. She frowned, notices his stressed expression. "OR 3, why are you talking about OR 3?" Dr. Miranda Bailey questions surprised. As she speaks she pages someone.

"Uh ... nothing." He placates her.

"Liar."

Her eyes fixate on him. "You know what I hate? Bad liars. You are a bad liar. Now tell me what's going on. I am waiting." Bailey huffs and shakes her head. "There ... was a disaster and ..."

"Do you know by any chance where Grey is? I've been paging her for the last twenty minutes." Bailey demands to know."And don't you dare telling me lies as in everything's under control 'cause that would make you a bad liar." Everything was quiet. Own stares at the short woman for a moment in front of him. "Tell me."

She huffs.

"Do you have by any chance Derek's number to his office? I really need to get on the phone with him right away and he isn't answering his cell." He sounds nervous.

_Maybe I should call Yang too, she would want to fly over when she hears what's going on._

The last sentence was Owen thinking out loud. These sentences cause a sickening feeling in his stomavch 'cause these sentence clearly indicate that something's horribly wrong - presumably with Meredith or the kids of her and Derek who are still at daycare.

Bailey knows that too.

"Okay, enough with the half answers. You are going to tell me what is going on."

Worry was covering her face.

"It's Meredith, Bailey. Amelia's about to operate on her. Can you inform Derek? I need to make sure it's running all smoothly in there." With that he was gone.

Bailey looks after him in a dither. What should she tell him?!

What is going on?

/

Later on: Bailey now knows what going on and calls Derek in his office. But it seemed like he wasn't there. An assistant answered the phone. Bailey quickly tells her what she shoukd tell Shepherd. The assistant's mouth hangs wide open.

That wasn't what she had expected to hear from a former colleague of Dr. Derek Shepherd.

She quickly grabs a post - it note and scribbles something down, almost unreadable.

**Call Bailey at GSMH.**

**It's urgent!**

"I'll contact him right away, Dr. Hunt. Thanks for calling, I'll let him know that he should call you. Bye." After she hangs up, she finishes writing the note and jumps up, running through the quiet hallways to let Derek Shepherd know that he is supposed to call his former chief at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle."

* * *

The assistant quietly enters the conference room and starts explaining some things to someone in the front. The presentation went on. "We received a highly urgent message for Derek Shepherd." The assistant says in a quiet voice to one of the men who are sitting in the front. After she tells them what she wanted to tell them they turn around and look around searchingly. "Well, he's sitting here somewhere." She gets as an answer.

She holds a piece of paper in her hand, obviously a post - it note with something written down on it.

It seems to be important, important enough to disrupt this meeting. The only thing, the thing they don't know, is that Derek isn't here anymore. He is nowhere to be found, at least not here. He left minutes ago for Seattle, which means he's already on his way back. The assistant walks quietly through the room, to the seat where Derek is supposed to sit. They realize then that their neurosurgeon is missing.

Suddenly a man speaks up: "Have you heard about the disaster that's happened in Seattle, Sir?"

It was quiet, they had stopped the presentation.

All eyes were now on the man who had the nerves to tell what was going on.

"Yes, the earthquake. I've heard about that."

"Well, that should answer your question. He has family down there and therefore he is flying back as we speak." Silence was in the conference room before there was a sign that signaled whoever presented this presention can go on with it.

* * *

Derek arrives at Washington-Dulles-International-Airport, pays the cabbie and storms to the entrance.

Derek was now at the airport, waiting in the line for flight tickets. The TVs were on, he tries not to listen what they say but it's difficult to ignore. He watches some people running by, trying to catch a plane that's now boarding. Then his gaze goes to the annunciation board. His eyes searched for Seattle. But Seattle wasn't on it.

"Why isn't Seattle on the destination board." Derek wonders out loud. "There has to be a plane that goes to Seattle." A man after him says. "They cancelled all the flights to Seattle due to the earthquake. SeaTac has been shut down until further notice."

Panic stricken, he replies: "They can't ... they can't do that."

"Well, they have. I am sorry but they have. I need to go to Seattle too. And now I am waiting for a flight that goes to Portland or another city that's near Seattle."

"I have to go to Seattle, I ..."

"Oh, damn it. Why is it always like that. Probably, the plane I get a seat in, crashes."

The man looks at him with a strange expression.

"What? It happens."

"Rarely."

"Oh, you don't want to discuss that with me. I've been in a plane crash before. So, yes, it happens."

Now he was quiet. That shut him up. But Derek still had no idea how to come to Seattle without any layovers or route deviations. But he will figure out a way to get as fast as possible to Seattle.

His blood runs cold as he realizes the full extent of his situation.

_... tensions seem to be running pretty high as can be expected in such a dangerous situation ..._

Derek looks around the airport, everything was like it was normal, although the TVs in the waiting hall are turned up. The news were on, a report about Seattle and the surrounding areas. The halls are crowded, Derek could barely hear what the reporters are saying.

He only understands bits and pieces as he elbowes his way to the last - minute ticket counter.

_... FEMA says they have the situation under control. There has been one aftershock with a magnitude of 5.9 which means the aftershock had almost the same force as the first quake ...  
_

_... stay with us for a complete coverage ..._

* * *

_A/N: Please review. Hope you liked it ...  
_

_P.S. Check out chapter 28 of 'Nothing Turns Out Its Supposed To' ..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

Then, suddenly Amelia Shepherd says more self - confident: "I go in blind, I have to. Is the OR now prepped."

"Yes." She got as a simple reply. There was no need to say more. It wasn't neccessary. "Okay, let's move, people." She calls out. Within seconds, everyone in the operating room is looking at her, probably silently wondering if she can do this. And if she can, will Meredith survive?! That's the question nobody has a answer too. At least not until's over.

"Good, let's move before she bleeds out before I get the chance to open her up. Hurry." Amelia commands as the nurses push the gurney with Meredith on it to OR 4. Gladly, the way was clear. There were no debris or chunks of ceiling or walls that have been destroyed. No, that hallway's clear. Luckily for Amelia and the nurses pushing the gurney Meredith was lying on.

Amelia enters the scrub room.

Her heart was beating erratically in her chest when she thinks of what she's about to do. Then suddenly, there were footsteps behind her. Someone had followed her. She turns around, recognizing Alex Karev. The one who had paged her when Meredith collapsed.

"Don't you have a patient to monitor? I believe you do." Amelia says without looking at him.

Alex ignores her harsh reaction, he blames it on the fact that she is about to open up Meredith. Which is the reason for Amelia snapping at him, indeed.

"You sure you can do this?" He asked, rubbing his back of the head nervously and worriedly. He doesn't let his view off of Amelia, the pediatric surgeon eyed her intently. Amelia feels his gaze linger at her. Yes, she was definitely sure she could do this. She has to do this. There was no other resolution.

"Yes. I believe I can do this. I've treated a lot of neurotraumas."

"But none of them were your sister in law." Alex contradicts. "I know. But in this case we have no choice. Believe me, I asked her to get checked out, I told her it's better to get it checked out. I just should have known it. And I am going to fix my mistake." Amelia sounds determined to save Meredith's life. He leans against the sink as he watched Amelia washing herself sterile.

"I wish you luck. And Meredith ..." He looks through the window at her. His voice shakes a bit. "You better pull through, have you heard me?"

Amelia smiles excusingly at him. She can't have him standing there, hovering. "Go monitor your patient, your girlfriend has fixed him up and you'll monitor his post - op progress. I've got it here, Alex. Really I do." She says.

Then she enters the OR.

This was not how her day was supposed to play out. Not in her dreams she had imagined she has her brother's wife on the table, cutting into her brain due to traumatic brain injury. She could have never imagined that before the earthquake thing happened.

Then, when Amelia Shepherd was ready to start, she sees a shadow next to her.

It was Owen Hunt.

"You don't think that I would have let you do this all by yourself." He whispers.

"Have you informed Derek? Does he know who is operating on his wife?" Amelia's voice was toneless. "Bailey takes care of that after she finishes up with her patient in the pit." Owen explains. "I don't have the number to his office so ... I asked Bailey to do it for me. But don't worry about any of this now. Just focus on your patient." He tells her, with a strong voice - she needed him to be strong.

"Does she know? Also, we might need a general consult too. The ceiling fell." Amelia says, her voice shaking as she glances over to Meredith. She seems so vulnerable in that sterile environment lying on that table, intubated. She wasn't looking like the Meredith that she knows and loves in a sister - like way. She is supposed to be working in that OR, not taking the easy way out of work and landing as a patient on that table.

This damned earthquake. Amelia curses this day.

If something goes wrong, Derek will blame her forever. Forever. She will too. If she wakes up gorked or never wakes up or worst case, she dies - she'll never ever forgive herself. This was definitely catch 22. Definitely. She has no choice, she has to do this. And she can do this. Amelia Shepherd, brilliant neurosurgeon; sister of Derek Shepherd who is also a neurosurgeon; has the skills and knowledge to do this, to save her sister in law.

She can do this.

"I can do this."

"You can." Owen confirms.

Then she remembers one sentence. A sentence Derek always says when he is about to start operating. If she said it, maybe it would help Meredith to pull through. All of them _needed _her to pull through. "It's a beautiful day to save lifes. Let's have some fun." She said in a clear voice. Her saying that sentence was somewhat just ironic considering the whole situation they were currently in.

* * *

Derek arrives at Washington-Dulles-International-Airport, pays the cabbie with throwing a few banknotes on his seat and storms to the entrance. He doesn't care about the money. He just wants to catch a plane that flies directly to SeaTac Airport. That's it. His mind was constantly circling around the fact that his family is there, probably scared and maybe, worst-case scenario, hurt.

Derek was now at the airport, waiting in the line for flight tickets. Hopefully he'll get one. Economy or Business class, doesn't matter - he'd take any seat he could get if the plane is departing for Seattle. But he didn't seem to have any luck. How? An earhtquake just shook Seattle. All he could do was hope and pray that his family is alright.

The line was long.

It seems like everybody wants to fly somewhere when the ground starts shaking under their feet. The TVs were on, he tries not to listen what they say but it's difficult to ignore. Since its turned up. He watches some people running by, trying to catch a plane that's now boarding. Then his gaze goes to the annunciation board. His eyes searched for Seattle. But Seattle wasn't on it. Seattle isn't blended on the annunciation board.

There was a flight to Hamburg, Germany with a layover in France. Another flight to Tucson, Arizona. But none of them were going to Seattle. That has to be a mistake. He wants to go back to Seattle but there is no flight that is going back to Seattle.

"Why isn't Seattle on the destination board." Derek wonders out loud. "There has to be a plane that goes to Seattle." It's best to stay positive. A man after him says. "They cancelled all the flights to Seattle due to the earthquake. SeaTac has been shut down until further notice."

"SeaTac has been shut down?" Derek exclaims.

"How am I supposed to get to Seattle within four hours. I ..."

No. There has to be a flight that goes straight to Seattle. There just has to be a flight. But there wasn't-

The universe really has a weird sense of irony. No more staying positive and optimistic. Right now, he was more dark and twisty as Meredith would have said. When was the last time he had told her that he loves her? He didn't remember. He can't remember the last they spoke without fighting or not on the phone.

Panic stricken, he replies: "They can't ... they can't do that."

Damned earthquake.

"Well, they have. I am sorry but they have. I need to go to Seattle too. And now I am waiting for a flight that goes to Portland or another city that's near Seattle." The man replies, eyeing him.

"I have to go to Seattle, I ..." Derek sounds helpless and is feeling nagging desperation creeping up in him. Unable to contain himself any longer he explodes: "Oh, damn it. Why is it always like that. Probably, the plane I get a seat in, crashes. I need to ... I need to go to Seattle and now they're saying that there aren't any flights to Seattle? Are they crazy?"

The man looks at him with a strange expression. Probably it was the part with the plane crash.

"What? It happens." Derek snaps.

"Rarely." He got as an answer.

"Oh, you don't want to discuss that with me. I've been in a plane crash before. So, yes, it happens." Now he was quiet. That shut him up. But Derek still had no idea how to come to Seattle without any layovers or route deviations. But he will figure out a way to get as fast as possible to Seattle.

His blood runs cold as he realizes the full extent of his situation.

_... tensions seem to be running pretty high as can be expected in such a dangerous situation ..._

Derek looks around the airport, everything was like it was normal, although the TVs in the waiting hall are turned up. The news were on, a report about Seattle and the surrounding areas. The halls are crowded, Derek could barely hear what the reporters are saying. But it wasn't neccessary, he is aware of the fact that the situation was more than serious.

He only understands bits and pieces as he elbowes his way to the last - minute ticket counter.

_... FEMA says they have the situation under control. There has been one aftershock with a magnitude of 5.9 which means the aftershock had almost the same force as the first quake ..._

_... stay with us for a complete coverage ..._

In this moment his private cell phone rings. Derek flinched. Please let it be Meredith, he thinks. But his heart sinks when he sees what the caller ID shows. It wasn't Meredith nor Amelia. It was someone other from Seattle Grace calling him. Miranda Bailey is the one to call him and tell him that his wife is injured and that they were currently working on her. But he didn't know any of that yet. He stares at the blinking display, seeing Miranda Bailey's name and number on the screen.

Then Derek Shepherd answers the call ...

He never thought that the universe really is that screwed up. But apparently it was.

* * *

"What procedure are we going to do?" Owen asks, interrupting the nagging silence. Everyone in the OR was quiet. They know the importance of being quiet. Their patient's life could depend on it. "Craniotomy." Amelia silently replied. She opened her up and removed her skullflap

Surgical evacuation constitutes definitive treatment of this condition. Craniotomy is followed by evacuation of the hematoma, coagulation of bleeding sites, and inspection of the dura. The dura is then tented to the bone and, occasionally, epidural drains are employed for as long as 24 hours.

Craniotomy is the surgical removal of part of the bone from the skull to expose the brain. Specialized tools are used to remove the section of bone called the bone flap. The bone flap is temporarily removed, then replaced after the brain surgery has been performed

She was about to localize the bleeder in order to evacuate it.

An hour into the surgery Amelia enforcedly performed, Meredith's condition suddenly changes abruptly.

Her condition took yet another dive downwards. She had barely started to evacuate the hemorrhage when Meredith suddenly began to get unstable. Amelia Shepherd's heart beats hollowly in her chest, she is barely able to keep herself together. But she has to - for Meredith and for Derek and for their kids so that they don't lose their mother.

When the neurosurgeon hears the alarming sound of the cardiac monitor indicating irregularities in her patient's heartbeat, she looks up, her eyes fixating on the monitor that was beeping irregularly. "No- " Her voice breaks through the silence as if she couldn't cannot accept that something is going wrong. Right in this very moment.

"Her ICP has reached skyrocket, damn it." Amelia exclaimed, her voice scared and terrified.

"Amelia, calm down and think."

"These seconds decide."

"Push of mannitol. It should help reducing the pressure ..." She orders.

"... and prevent of further swelling." Owen finishes the sentence for her. Amelia glances at him shortly, then she focuses back on the surgical field.

mannitol is effective because it do not cross the blood-brain barrier (much), and thereby draws cerebrospinal fluid out of the cranium and fluid out of the injured brain, reducing pressure and further injury.

Luckily, the mannitol really helped. After a while her vital signs stabilized and even her intracranial pressure went back to a normal range.

When she finished the surgery, Amelia is relieved that it is over now and that Meredith had survived the surgery. But there was still the risk of a incrased ICP or re-bleeds that can occur. "Get her to recovery and prepare a bed for her in Neuro-ICU." Amelia commands, not letting her eyes off Meredith for a second. The heart monitor shows a regular heartbeat but that doesn't have to mean anything. A beating heart is not the only thing that needs to be considered.

There are other things too - brain activity is one of the _important_ points.

"Yes, doctor." A nurse replies as she pushes the gurney with the most recently operated on patient, in this case, Meredith out of the operating room. "Also, schedule a post-op Head - CT. I want to make sure I've catched everything and that there aren't any slow bleeders that might cause problems in the future."

Amelia didn't really know what to feel.

If Meredith suffered from any complications or memory loss in any kind of way - anterograde or retrograde amnesia - didn't matter. Derek would kill her one way or the other if she had let anything happen to Meredith. She was still the love of his life, even if their relationship is complicated sometimes.

When it was just Amelia and Owen in the scrub room, Amelia lets go of her overwhelming feelings that were eating her alive. She has no idea how to cope if something really had gone wrong. _Has_ gone wrong.

"What if she doesn't wake up?"

"She will." Owen replies patiently.

He dioesn't know that and he knows only time will tell but it's better to stop Amelia from freaking out.

"Derek will blame me for sure."

Heck, Amelia Shepherd would blame herself if she had done some mistake, if she had missed something important. What if she had misseddamaged an aread in her brain and that might be affecting her speech, memory ...

She doesn't want to imagine that.

Her blue eyes are now looking at Owen. Her eyes are very similar to Derek Shepherd's eyes which makes sense considering he's her brother. "I mean I knew Meredith banged her head against the wall when the earthquake hit. I was there, I should have known."

"Meredith told you she was fine, right?"

"Yeah, how do you know ..."

"Well, it's what she does. Has done. Meredith is one of the people that always say they're fine even if they aren't. This is not your fault. If it hadn't been for you, she would have been dead by now. She isn't. She is alive, thanks to you. SO don't you dare blame yourself for something that isn't your fault-"

"It is. We could have reacted way earlier. I could have just done the damn CT image of her head to be sure that she's ... I should have ignored the fact that she didn't want one. I should known, I really should have. I would have been more prepared and this wouldn't have resulted in an emergency craniotomy. I would have been able to think this through and organize everything before going in, the approach."

There she goes, blaming herself for not catching the brain bleed bfore it resulted in Meredith collapsing while operating. If they had known, she wouldn't have been in that OR as a doctor. She would have been monitored on Neuro-ICU. But now ... It's done. They can't change the way how it went down. Amelia was blaming herself, that was certain.

Owen Hunt sees that. But the trauma surgeon also knows that she has done everything in der power, everything she can to save Meredith, Derek would see that too even if he would blame Amelia at first. But eventually he'll cool down. It was easier that way.

"Amelia, you don't know that. Maybe it would have turned into an emergency too. You have no bearing in that 've done everything you can. Sometimes there is nothing more you can do. You just have to wait and see what happens. It's difficult for us surgeons to think like that. We're born to cut but sometimes you just need to have a little faith."

"Owen, you don't get it. This is Meredith, my sister in law. I've already lost ... if I lose her too, then I'll lose Derek."

Now he was looking at her with an confused expression.

"Just forget it." She says harshly, that was ripping open wounds that have never fully healed.

Pause.

"She can't die."

"It is out of our hands now. It's up to Meredith now, if she wants to fight or not. But focus on that she made it through the surgery. She's alive, she still has a fighting chance."

_He was sure Meredith wouldn't give up. She had survived so much crap and is far too stubborn to just die."_

"I hope you're right." Amelia mumbles.

"Come here." He pulls Amelia into an embrace and vor a moment they remained in that position.

"I need to check on Meredith." Amelia says, sighing loudly as she pulls away from Owen. "Okay, let's go." She exclaimed ludly, "Where?" Owen asks slow-whitted and somehow confused over Amelia's suddenly changed mood. "Making sure our patient is doing okay. I just need to see it myself."

"I am coming with you." Owen replies.

"Do you trust me?" Amelia asks harshly. Owen flinches, he hadn't expected a reaction like that- "Yeah, I do trust you and your skills but I want to see how Grey's doing myself." He explains.

"Fine." Amelia huffs and accelerates her pace so that Owen had trouble catching up with her.

So they reached recovery.

* * *

"Derek Shepherd speaking." His voice is shaking. Silence on the other end of the line.

Then a deep sigh ... followed by a pause.

Oh no, this wasn't good he should have known it. Something was wrong. Very wrong. It remembered him of certain things he didn't want to remember, like the time where she was practically dead for hours. But he knew it then. Right now, there were just speculations, ifs. "It's Miranda. I'm calling ..."

In this moment he knows that something has happened to Meredith.

The neurosurgeon could hear Bailey's voice shaking. She is nervous, he hears it in her voice. But there was also worry.

"... because of the earthquake. I think it probably has reached the news in Washington D.C. by now but I think it's better if you come here right away. It's for the best if you try to catch the next plane that flies back to Seattle. Just get on a plane." Bailey says, her voice full of suppressed emotion.

"There aren't any planes going to Seattle, Miranda. They've been cancelled. All have been cancelled." Derek is freaking out, noticing that something was off about her voice. Like if something was wrong.

"Is ... is it Meredith, Miranda?"

One single question.

And the answer could shatter his heart within seconds in little pieces.

Derek could hear her breathe on the other line. Derek tries to prepare himself for the worst. Meredith dead or dying.

"Yes."

"No." He whispered, suddenly feeling light-headed. This was too much.

"She's been hurt." Miranda continues. "Amelia's operating on her as we speak."

_His Meredith needed freaking brain surgery?!_

The neurosurgeon couldn't believe it. "What?" He croaks.

He just focused on the phone, the world around him didn't exist. "What happened?" He needs to know. "Derek, just get on the plane. We'll talk about the specifics then." She is avoiding telling him what is really going on. Which makes him worry that it's worse than he thought.

"Just tell me. You always said you hate bad liars, so how about you telling me what is going on. I have a right to know." Derek breathes heavily, for a moment he closes his eyes. He couldn't forget that he's currently in Washington D. C. and his family is in Seattle. "I need to know how she is doing." He says a bit quieter.

"It's not good. It's all I know." She says.

"What's her diagnosis?"

"EDH." Was her prompt answer. Derek is shocked. How could that happen. How? This couldn't be true. Meredith could die. She could _die_, just cease to exist without him ever getting the chance to tell her that he loves her. "Large epidural hematoma. Amelia tries to evacuate the clot before it causes further damage but ... there are no guarantees. We all hope she's pushing through but we don't know what will be. I'm sorry, Derek, but you need to come back. As soon as possible."

Epidural hematoma, why in hell is she suffering from epidural hematoma? The earthquake - that must have been the cause. Why didn't they catch it earlier before complications arise.

"How? There aren't any planes going to Seattle. I was going to fly back as soon as I heard about the earthquake. Apparently, SeaTac Airport has been shut down which is the reason for all the flights being cancelled that were headed to Seattle-Tacoma Airport." Derek sounds desperate as if he didn't know what to do.

"Try to get on a plane to Portland. Then you can see." Miranda advises. "But let me tell you: You need to come back, even if it's a flight with a layover- your wife and the rest of your family need you-"

But Derek cut her off: "What about Zola and Bay? Are they okay?" He needed to know.

"Yeah, they're still in daycare. Due to the earthquake it is opened all day."

"At least they're okay." Derek feels like his heart was being ripped in little pieces ... and there was no chance to escape.

It was like hell.

A real nightmare that has come true.

* * *

_A/N: Please review._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

"She's been hurt." Miranda continues. "Amelia's operating on her as we speak."

Amelia?! Amelia is operating on her?! Does that mean ... she needs brain surgery? No, this couldn't be true, there has to be a mistake. Derek shook his head.

_His Meredith needed freaking brain surgery?!_

She needs help that he can't give to which is just ironic 'cause he is a neurosurgeon. Someone really has a weird sense of humor. But this wasn't funny. This was the opposite of funny. Then again, brain surgery. And he was a neurosurgeon. Why does Meredith need brain surgery. This _is_ seriously fucked up.

_Her brain?_

_ Brain surgery._

_As in cutting open her brain, removing her skull flap …_

_There are tons of things that could go wrong, could possibly go wrong. _

The neurosurgeon couldn't believe it. "What?" He croaks with a hoarse voice that doesn't sound like his voice. "What the hell are you talking about? She … she can't be …She can't, we haven't talked in months and if, then only for a few minutes." Derek stammered, shock taking over.

"Derek. Derek. Listen to me." Bailey addressed him. She senses that the neurosurgeon was on the verge of freaking out right now which wasn't very difficult to imagine. After all, he just got the news that Meredith has been hurt in the quake.

But he can't help her right now. There was nothing he could do not to mention the fact that he was on the other side of the country. His mind raced. His breathing quickened, suddenly his chest feels tighter than he wanted it to be. For a moment, he closed his eyes trying desperately to compose himself. He wouldn't be any help if he was a freaking mess.

He just focused on the phone, the world around him didn't exist. "What happened?" He needs to know. "Derek, just get on the plane. We'll talk about the specifics then." She is avoiding telling him what is really going on. Which makes him worry that it's worse than he thought.

"Just tell me. You always said you hate bad liars, so how about you telling me what is going on. I have a right to know." Derek breathes heavily, for a moment he closes his eyes. He couldn't forget that he's currently in Washington D. C. and his family is in Seattle. "I need to know how she is doing." He says a bit quieter.

"It's not good. It's all I know." She says.

With that, his heart got crushed a little bit more than it already was. He felt like it would burst any moment. Never, not once in his life, he had felt like now. And it is crushing him that he can't do anything. "Derek, are you still there." Bailey's concerned voice brought him back to the reality. He would never forget this moment where he was told that his wife needed brain surgery, it was just too shocking to be real. Although it was.

"What's her diagnosis?" Derek demands to know. Although he didn't really know if he wanted know the answer to that. What if her prognosis was … what if they are fighting for nothing, what if she didn't make it. Okay, that's not the case. Bailey would have told him if Mer was dead. She would, wouldn't she? Yeah. But over the phone? While Derek's mind was a little preoccupied by thinking about all kinds of worst case scenarios, Bailey attempted to answer his questions with one word.

"EDH." Was her prompt answer. Derek is shocked. That was now another stab in the heart. How could that happen. How? This couldn't be true. Meredith could die. She could _die_, just cease to exist without him ever getting the chance to tell her that he loves her.

"Large epidural hematoma. Amelia tries to evacuate the clot before it causes further damage but ... there are no guarantees. We all hope she's pushing through but we don't know what will be. I'm sorry, Derek, but you need to come back. As soon as possible." With that Miranda Bailey hangs up on him. He only hears the beeping coming from his phone. Then he finally pushes the resd button while trying to sort his thoughts.

_Epidural hematoma, why in hell is she suffering from epidural hematoma? The earthquake - that must have been the cause. Why didn't they catch it earlier before complications arise._

Derek feels like his heart was being ripped in little pieces ... and there was no chance to escape.

_It was like hell. _

It was sheer hell.

A real nightmare that has come true. Derek stood there for a while, with his cell phone in his hands and staring right into nowhere. He grasps onto it tightly so that his knuckles were turning white. It was a nightmare, it was pure hell. A situation he never wanted to imagine. And now it happened to them. Again. Why couldn't they live happily ever after? Why couldn't they ... why was something happening that could destroy his, both of their life. The big why. But he had no answers.

Then he walks over to the counter like in a daze. He doesn't look to the right or left side. He feels like he's floating, not really realizing that this is really happening. asking the stressed man in black suit whether there are still seats in the plane going to Portland. He would have to drive from there to Seattle. But he doesn't care. All he wanted was to be with Meredith who was currently fighting for her life. "Is there a seat on the flight out to Portland?" He asks impatiently.

"I am sorry, Sir, but the gates have been closed. The plane is departing now." He says after looking in his computer and checking the departures of the planes that were about to start / land. However, this was not important right now.

"I don't care. I'll pay the doubled price if you let me on the plane."

The man at the counter smiles at him apologetically.

"Sorry, Sir. But it does not work like that." The man at the counter replies. Then he called out: "Next in line." But Derek didn't even think about giving up.

Derek was furious. How can it be that he has such a bad luck?! But apparently, he has. "I am sorry but we can't ..." He gets cut off by Derek who snapped at him with a high pitched voice: "You have no better answer than 'I am sorry but we can't ...' You can, you just decide to abide by the rules - my wife is in Seattle. Yeah, you know that place? Have you heard of the earthquake that happened there? It's all over the news."

"Sir, if you don't stop, I might have to call security ..." The man tries to interrupt his tirade.

Derek doesn't hear him, he just ... "She's one of the victims, unstable, currently in surgery ... I need to get to Settle right away. Or at least to Portland. You understand why I want this seat so desperately? Because my wife is potentially dying before I get the chance to see her ..."

Then he added a bit quieter: "Please, I need to be on this plane. This is my only chance."

The man behind the counter sighed. "I can really get into trouble because of this."

"Please."

* * *

"She can't die." Amelia's voice shook as she said these words.

Amelia's lip quivered as she finally broke down in Owen Hunt's arms.

"It is out of our hands now. It's up to Meredith now, if she wants to fight or not. But focus on that she made it through the surgery. She's alive, she still has a fighting chance." Owen tried to reassure her. But all that Amelia sees was the monitors Meredith was connected to, the beeping and blinking of the surrounding monitors that were constantly monitoring her. Her heart monitor was making sounds regularly, indicating that Meredith's heart was beating in a sinus rhythm.

They were glad about that.

But they also know that a beating heart wasn't all when it came to a traumatic brain injury. There were other factors that needed to counted in before making a conclusion. It isn't just the heart that matters here, it is also the brain. The brain function. If her brain doesn't work, then a beating heart wouldn't matter anymore.

He was sure Meredith wouldn't give up. She had survived so much crap and is far too stubborn to just die.

"I hope you're right." Amelia mumbles.

"Come here." He pulls Amelia into an embrace and for a moment they remained in that position.

"I need to check on Meredith." Amelia says, sighing loudly as she pulls away from Owen. "Okay, let's go." She exclaimed loudly, "Where?" Owen asks slow-whitted and somehow confused over Amelia's suddenly changed mood. "Making sure our patient is doing okay. I just need to see it myself."

"I am coming with you." Owen replies.

"Do you trust me?" Amelia asks harshly. Owen flinches, he hadn't expected a reaction like that- "Yeah, I do trust you and your skills but I want to see how Grey's doing myself." He explains.

He hopes that would convince Amelia that he isn't doing this because he doesn't trust her. He does trust her. Owen just wants what was best for Meredith, one of their own people. Also, Meredith Grey is his ex-wife's person who is now in Switzerland, Zurich working in some fancy cardiology facility but he bet his shoes that the news concerning the earthquake already hit the European television. News travel fast nowadays.

Chances are, Cristina knows already.

"Owen?" When Amelia talks with him he snaps out of his thoughts.

But maybe he really should inform Cristina Yang about Meredith Grey. He doesn't know what Cristina had said to Meredith before she left for a new start in Europe. Why Meredith hadn't called Cristina in a long time. 'Cause she was right with her and Derek, only she didn't want to say it out loud.

_You are a gifted surgeon with an extraordinary mind. Don't let what he wants eclipse what you need. He's very Dreamy, but he's not the sun. You are._

_I need my person to be alive._

_So don't do anything heroic that could take your life._

_I need my person to be alive. I can't do it without you._

But apparently, Amelia Shepherd doesn't see it that way. But it was okay too. "Fine." Amelia huffs and accelerates her pace so that Owen had trouble catching up with her. "You don't have to run." Owen says. "I do. Don't question me." Owen and Amelia almost reached the Neuro-ICU when Owen was paged away. "Sorry, uh, I gotta go. They're paging me down to the pit, I have to go." He explained.

"Just go. I can't monitor her, I don't need a babysitter."

"Good, page me if there's trouble. Don't forget about the general consult. She might be bleeding internally." Owen Hunt advises her. "I have it covered, now go." Amelia says, rolling her eyes. "If you see Bailey, can you tell her to find me?" Amelia asks. "I want her to be my general consult."

"She just got off the phone with Derek, I told her to take care of that." Hunt shot a glance, Amelia flinches when he mentions her brother. "Great, he probably blames me for killing her." Was her resigned answer.

"You're the only reason she's still breathing."

Meredith was lying there, not looking like the woman she knew before the whole thing happened. Heart rate was holding steady, she watched in relief that it wasn't tanking or anything, even her intracranial pressure was in the normal range as was her EEG. A catheter that measures the ICP. But she still isn't breathing on her own. A ventilator was breathing for, shoving air into her chest because she wasn't able to do this on her own.

And that was what worried her. She hopes Meredith would soon start breathing on her own. But she doesn't know what will be. Or when it will happen.

All she knows is that the longer she's uncounscious the more the chance that she wakes up, ceases.

But they're still not out of the 48 hour window.

"How is she?" A voice suddenly asked. Amelia flinches at, turning around. She sees Meredith's "new" person standing in the doorway, hovering. When Amelia notices him, he slowly steps into the room. Concerned.

"How's she doing? Any changes?" Alex wants to know, clearly worried.

Well, he should be.

"She is doing as well as can be expected after emergency brain surgery." Amelia snaps at Alex. She doesn't know why she is snapping at Alex. Probably because everything is just to much. He was looking at Meredith as if he couldn't understand what was going on here.

"How am I supposed to know that?" Alex grits through his teeth. "I might not be a neurosurgeon but ..."

Amelia waits for him to continue.

"I am as worried as you are. There's no need to get snappy." "Yeah, whatever." Amelia replied, checking once again her pupils. "How can that be." He murmurs as he looks over to the heart monitor. "This can't be." "Well, it is." He got as an answer. "Yeah, I know that now. Thanks for that though."

After Alex leaves the room, Amelia takes a chair and sits next to her bed. It's what family does. She wouldn't want to be alone in a situation like this and she believes Meredith would want the same. Also, Amelia wants to monitor her and how can she do that if she's not in the room?! She just hopes Derek will be here soon.

Then another person appears in the doorstep. Amelia Shepherd looks up.

* * *

Derek is walking through the waiting area of the Dulles-International Airport. He stares at the wall as he walks past all the chatting people with their suitcases. Suddenly there is a announcement for flight to Portland. "Passengers for flight 2642333 to Portland. Get ready for Boarding." Before he shut down his phone he wrote a quick message to Amelia to let her know he is leaving the state to come back: _I'm getting on the plane now. Derek._

"Sir, you need to... " A man in a uniform of the airline tells him.

"I know I need to hurry." Derek cut him off, took his carry-on cabbage on goes to the Business- class check-in. When he finally sat down on his seat in the plane, he glances out of the window. After a few announcements, the safety instructions they are now moving fast over the maneuvring area and finally, they were in the air. Flying.

"We now have reached our aircraft altitude. You can now loosen your seatbelts." A computerized voice told them.

Derek just wants to be there already. To see how Meredith's doing. He'd done enough mistakes in the past. Enough. Now he had time to think about everything he'd done wrong.

* * *

_In Zurich, Switzerland._ Cristina Yang, M. D. was sitting on her desk, writing in some patient charts she needed to finish notes in. Although Ross does that kind of work, she was doing these patient charts. She turned around seeing the Swiss alps when she looks out of the window. She loves that view, it was gigantic. She loves her life in Europe. Although the languages troubled her bit. But she is getting it. In this moment, her cell phone rings. It was a U. S. number. She couldn't help but feeling that her heart automatically accelerates. "Dr. Cristina Yang speaking." She says as she answers the call.

The feeling in her gut told her it wasn't something good.

She also sees that she missed a call from Alex Karev, he had called twice in the last hours. Her feeling seems to be right. Meredith, hopefully it's nothing going on with her. "Hello?" She asks. She only heard someone breathing. "Hello? It's Cristina and you can start talking now."

"It's me. Cristina."

It was _his_ voice.

"Owen." Cristina says, "Why are you calling, you haven't called in ages."

"Okay, Cristina. I'm sorry if I have woken you up but I don't care what time it is now."

"Owen, you are scaring me. What's going on?" Cristina asks immediately alarmed, while pressing the cell phone against her ear to hear his voice more clearly. Apparently, this wasn't something good. She can sense the seriousness of this in voice.

"Cristina, it's Meredith." Owen Hunt tells her over the phone. There was a damn ocean between them and right now Cristina cursed that fact that there was an ocean between Europe and the U.S.

_Meredith._

_It can't be._

_Not again. It's Meredith._

_That were his words. His exact words._

That are the words she feared all the time.

"No, no." Cristina repeats shocked, very shocked. Her heart starts beating quicker than normal. She knew it was something bad. Why does this keep happening.

"You're mistaken, I told her she shouldn't do anything risky, that I need her to be alive. Why does she never listen. As in actually listen to what someone has to say." Cristina's rambling nervously, not even what is going on.

"I'm calling to let you know that there was an earthquake that hit Seattle."

"An earthquake?" Cristina repeats.

That means there are a dozen people injured, at least. "Is everyone okay? Are you you okay?" She asks, her voice slightly shaking. "I'm fine Cristina, don't worry about me. Alex is fine too." Then he pauses. Then she remembered what he had said when he called her.

"You said something about Meredith? Is she okay? How is she doing with Derek on the other side of the country? She's been barely calling." Cristina sounds worried now. "She got injured in the earthquake. We were able to stabilize her but I thinks it's better if you'd come back." Owen says. Cristina almost lets the cell phone fall to the ground.

"How ... how bad is it?"

"Not good. You remember Amelia, Derek's sister?" Owen asks over the phone. "The junkie, yeah." Cristina replies. "Don't ever call her that again. She's a_ former_ drug addict. She did Meredith's surgery."

"What? Someone cut Meredith's brain open?" Cristina exclaims panicked.

Ross stares at the TV in the entrance. The news were on, some reporters who were speaking German, he still didn't understand all of it: _"Wir berichten über ein Erdbeben in Seattle und Umgebung. __Messungen haben ergeben, dass es auf der Richterskala 6.1 erreicht hat … __Auch kam es zu einem Nachbeben."_ (There was an earthquake in Seattle and the surrounding areas. It has reached a magnitude of 6.1, it was followed by an aftershock …) All he understands was that there has something happened in Seattle. Next thing he knows was being paged to Cristina's office.

Obviously she wanted a favor from him.

She looks like a mess. A huge messy mess.

"Ross, cancel all my procedures and book me a flight to Seattle."

"But why?" He asks. "I was hoping to scrub in on your Fontan procedure you have scheduled later on."

"Cancel it, cancel all my elective surgeries. Have Dr. Roos Meyers do the Fontan procedure. She's totally capable of performing it."

"She's a fellow and not nearly as good as you are."

"Put Meyers on the case, Ross. I am not saying this again. We're wasting time here, I could be at the airport by now."

"Just do it." Cristina hisses. She has no nerves for the annoying resident. "Just do what I said." "Is this in any relation to the earthquake that's hit Seattle and surrounding areas?" Shane Ross asked, his gaze on Cristina.

"How do you …" Cristina Yang begins to ask.

"… know it?" Ross smiles briefly. "It's all over the news."

"Ross. As the Chief of the Klausmann Institute I am telling you to shut the hell up." Cristina was in no mood to deal with this resident. "Just book the flight. I need to pack." Cristina said, looking distraught, the thought of her person maybe dying was hell. Physical and emotional hell. "Personal issues."

With that she leaves the door, leaving a confused Shane behind.

"What?" He asks confused. But he gets no answer. After he sees that Cristina really meant what she has said, he grabs the phone and books a ticket for her to Seattle.

But soon he learns that SeaTac Airport has been shut down, that there are no flights that can be booked. The same issue that Derek was also experiencing. Cristina would freak out if she sees that there are no flights going to Seattle.

* * *

As Hunt leaves Meredith's room in Neuro-ICU to attend to his patient, he runs into Jackson Avery who was apparently searching for someone. "Hunt. Any idea where Grey is?" It was Avery speaking to him. "I have a patient, Webber isn't here and Bailey is called for consult. I need a general surgeon." Owen sighs. "Neuro-ICU, Amelia's watching her." Hunt shortly replies, he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"What?" Jackson's face falls. Nobody has.

He certainly hasn't expected this. "Head slammed into brick wall resulting in EDH." He explains, sighing loudly. Jackson just stares at him. They really should rename Grey Sloan Memorial into Gravestone Memorial Hospital. It would probably be more appropriate. "She's stable but we won't know for sure until she wakes up." Owen adds.

"Oh, god." Jackson runs his head through his hair.

"Damn it, this fucking earthquake. And there are more patients to come. We're swamped, Hunt. We're swamped."

"Are you saying that we might need to close the ER?" He asks. Jackson just nods. "Also, we're down two ORs." He added. "Two ORs? Why are we down two ORs?" Jackson Avery asked confused. "The ceiling fell in OR 3 and as well in OR 1 but in OR 1 luckily no one got hurt. Besides Grey." He pauses as he stares at the wall, wishing this would be just some disastrous dream but it wasn't. "Also, there is damage to the water supply which is the reason for the falling ceiling."

Why does this always happen to them when it comes to a disaster? Why? Nobody knows anything.

"Okay, Avery, I need to go. There is some trauma I need to take a look at." Owen says as he made his way to the pit.

* * *

**_Meredith was in the hallways of the ORs, alone. Everything was shining a bit white. Was she having another near death experience? Like she did when she drowned? "Meredith, what the hell are you doing here?" A familiar voice interrupted the silence. Meredith turned around as soon as she heard the voice calling her name._**

**_"Lexie." Meredith exclaimed as she saw her sister walking down the hallway._**

**_"You're not even supposed to be here. Don't tell me you leaving the beautiful children of yours alone." Lexie sounded reproachful as she looked at Meredith._**

**_"It's not like I had a choice." Meredith defended herself. "Also, I am all alone. I have nobody so what?"_**

* * *

_A/N: I hope you liked this chapter. Please review._

_As for the beginning Meredith/Lexie scene, I just needed them to meet again. Since Lexie's dead it only works that way ..._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Then another person appears in the doorstep. Amelia Shepherd looks up.

"I'm here for a consult." The general surgeon says worriedly, glancing at Amelia. "How's she doing?" She then asks.

Amelia breathes in deeply, not knowing what to answer. "She's stable for now but since Alex said the ceiling fell on her, I don't take any chances, that's why you're here to do the consult." Amelia explains, her eyes quickly look over the monitors, making sure everything is in the normal range.

The cardiac monitor is beeping constantly. Which is a huge relief although it doesn't have to mean anything.

And she recognizes Dr. Bailey, one of the general surgeons of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. "Have you reached him?" She asks toneless. her expression is unreadable.

Dr. Bailey just nods. Her gaze wanders to the frail figure, lying on that bed. Once again.

"What did I tell you, Grey." She silently adresses the unconscious figure on the way to big bed. She looks even smaller than normal. Probably because everything is in white. "Why didn't you listen?" It sounds like an accusation but it wasn't.

Amelia watches Bailey doing the exam, looking obviously worried.

„I am going to take her down to CT." Dr. Bailey says as she palpates Meredith's abdomen. Amelia nods without saying anything. She doesn't have to, Bailey's actions clearly show that she suspects internal bleeding. "What if I screwed up?" Amelia suddenly asks, "I mean this is my only brother's wife, he'll never talk to me again if she …" She doesn't finish that sentence. "Her brain is functioning, right?" Bailey asks. Amelia nods.

"ICP is in the normal range?" She keeps asking. Amelia replies with another simple nod. "Then stop worrying, you can't do anything other than waiting. There is nothing else you can do." Bailey tries to tell her. "Well, that doesn't keep me from worrying." Amelia says, half scoffing. Silence. Bailey glances over at the heart monitor, watching the ORS complex that gets followed by another QRS complex and another one ... The beeping of the machines almost fully fill the room. Nobody says anything. "Are you okay?" Bailey suddenly asks.

"I am not known of going all soft and all but here you're family that happens to treat family … so I am asking if you're okay?" Amelia nods. This is kinda like Grey always saying she's fine (although she obviously wasn't okay). "Can't you do anything other than just _nod_?" Bailey asks. "Or say everything's just fine?"

"Everything's not fine, damn it. I may have killed my sister in law because didn't see the freaking signs. I should've known, I should have known and I didn't notice the signs. What kind of a neurosurgeon am I if I don't see the signs of a freakin' head injury? My stupidity almost killed her. I don't know how I can go on from that." Amelia freaks out in front of the general surgeon.

There was no reaction coming from the general surgeon.

"Also, I can't not say anything. That bites people like me in the ass." She confides in Bailey who looks at her for a moment, trying to figure out whether it's right to say something or not.

"Maybe it's better if I take her down to CT now before she starts declining." Amelia glances at Meredith's face and then nods. "Yeah. Maybe that's …" In this moment, her pager beeps. Not only her pager but also Meredith's pager beeps. But since she isn't officially at work … Amelia glances at her pager. It says that she should come to daycare to get the kids.

"What is it?" Bailey asked as she released the brakes of Meredith's bed.

"Uh, nothing. I got it. Page me when you get the results." Amelia orders before she leaves the room.

"Liar." Bailey mutters under her breath but she had more important things to get to. Why do they have to page her now? She thought daycare would be open all day due to the earthquake.

Then her pager beeps for another time. It was daycare. But she has no time to go down to daycare, she needs to monitor Meredith. Luckily, there were still Arizona and Callie who take the Grey-children sometimes if there's no other solution. She met them on her way to daycare. "Shepherd." Callie says as she recognized her.

"Dr. Torres, Arizona." Shepherd says, looking at them.

"I need a favor." She then says.

"I know you don't know me that well, I am aware of that. I'm just Derek's replacement." She rambles helplessly. Amelia bites on her lip. It looks like it was about to bleed. Arizona and Callie doesn't have clue about what was going on. They don't know what had happened. Maggie joined them and their conversation.

"What are we talking about?" She asks.

Callie shrugs. "Don't know. Shepherd isn't getting to the point." She explains. Amelia sighs. Then she finally opens her mouth. "Okay, I need to ask you for a favor. Can you watch Bailey and Zola, at least until Derek gets back?" Amelia glances at the three of them. One of them would take them, Amelia was sure about that. "Derek is coming back?" Maggie interrupts. "How did Meredith react to this news?" She asks. "Case in point." Amelia says, her voice dark and worried. Now they are growing concerned. "What are you talking about."

Callie is the first one to speak. "Why can't Meredith check on her children?"

"Now that's where it gets difficult." Amelia says.

"What do you mean?"

"Does it have to do with your pager call a few hours ago? I mean the call you got after you finished stitching me up." Maggie asked, recalling Amelia's shocked face expression, the way her face paled when she saw why they were paging her. She bets this situation has to do with the mysterious pager call, was because of this pager call.

"What pager call?" Arizona interjects. Till now she had just listened to what the others had to say but now she's joining the conversation. "And why is Derek coming back? Why now?" She asks.

"Shepherd." In this moment, Bailey interrupts the conversation.

"I need to take her up for some scans. Do you want me to do the Head-CT as well or ..." Bailey doesn't complete the sentence. She doesn't need to.

"Who's her?" Callie and Arizona ask at the same time, sharing a concerned look.

* * *

**_Meredith was in the hallways of the ORs, alone. Everything was shining a bit white. Was she having another near death experience? Like she did when she drowned? "Meredith, what the hell are you doing here?" A familiar voice interrupted the silence. Meredith turned around as soon as she heard the voice calling her name._**

**_"Lexie." Meredith exclaimed as she saw her sister walking down the hallway._**

**_She was happy when she saw the brunette woman walking over to her. It was a sight she never thought she would see again. She never really had come to terms with the death of her sister and everything that followed after. She avoided. She avoids. It's what she does when it comes hard on hard._**

**_"You're not even supposed to be here. Don't tell me you leaving the beautiful children of yours alone." Lexie sounded reproachful as she looked at Meredith._**

**_"It's not like I had a choice." Meredith defended herself. "Also, I am all alone. I have nobody so what?"_**

**_Her voice sounded incredibly helpless and unnaturally vulnerable. Also dark and twisty, very dark and twisty. Lexie knew that the second she heard her speaking. Whatever Derek did, send her into that situation. It is always Derek when it comes to these things._**

**_"Meredith." Lexie said her name with empathy. "Look at me."_**

**_Meredith glanced up and at Lexie. She looked exactly like the Lexie she knew. Sweet. With long, brown almost black hair and the photographic memory that helped her so many times at work and in med school. "Is this real? Or do I have a brain tumor? Yeah ... that would be a great explanation for all of this. I mean this is like what happened to Izzie." Lexie shook her head. Meredith really was in a very dark place and ready to give up._**

**_But she can't give up now. She can't. She has too much to live for. But Meredith didn't see that. All that she saw that she made everyone unhappy around her- she did it with Derek. She refused to live in D.C., destroying their family. How could anyone care about what she does?  
_**

**_"MEREDITH." Lexie's now sharp voice cut through her rambling. _**

**_"Stop doing this to yourself. This is not good, the selfdestruction part." Meredith didn't know how to react._**

**_"Why do you care, if you're even real? Are you ... real?" Meredith asked with a shaky voice, stepping nearer to her sister. "How come I keep experiencing this?" Meredith was now talking to herself, unsure about everything. She really needed some clarity._**

**_Lexie shrugged. "Don't know. Maybe it's your brain that's doing this. But for you, however, this is probably real. It feels real." She watched Meredith's face for reactions._**

**_"Yeah, the neurotransmitter thing." Meredith muttered almost inaudibly._**

**_"So it's a near death experience, I have a history with those." Meredith paused and looked back at her sister. She wanted to make things right with her. This was probably the only chance she gets. Ever. "How have you been?" She asked tentatively, unsure about whether Lexie wanted to talk to her or not. Considering she had treated her like crap when she started her internship at Seattle Grace Hospital ...  
_**

**_"I've been good." Lexie said, shortly. "How about you. You're the one that needs to be saved."_**

**_"You really think that gonna help. Derek's still on the other side of the country. Doing his fancy research supported by the president of United States. He'll always be the one who shines. I'm just ... Meredith."_**

**_"You're not just Meredith. You have two amazing children, I would have spoiled them if I were alive (that's besides the point) and you have a family, a family who cares about you. Remember the malignant glioma trial was your idea not his. You were the one who pushed him to do this trial to not give up. That was you, Meredith. You're extraordinary in your very own way and you should see that."_**

**_"Really?" For a moment Meredith looked like she could believe her sister. "But I left you when I should have known that you were dying, I should have stayed and instead of doing that I walked away to find Derek."_**

**_Then a bit quieter she added: "I never got the chance to tell you how much I loved you."_**

**_She looked at Lexie, tears in her eyes._**

**_"I know you love me, I know that, Mer. But I can't be saved. Couldn't be saved, there was nothing you or anyone could do. My injuries were too severe, there was nothing you could have done to prevent me from dying. So if you're blaming your over this among other things I don't know but about which I assume that they're about Derek don't do this to yourself." _**

**_Lexie was focused on getting her sister back to the living. She shouldn't be staying in DeadLand._**

**_"But I knew how bad off you were. But I went anyway to search for Derek. When I saw you lying there, crushed by the plane. I never told anyone that but ... that's something I never really got over with." Meredith confessed.  
_**

**_Lexie sighed. She knew what Meredith was doing._**

**_But they were losing important time and time was a huge factor. "It's okay." She therefore said. "We have no time you have to go back while you still can. I can't. Mark and I are finally happy."  
_**

**_"Mark?" Meredith asked, confusion plastered her face. "Mark's here?" She asked._**

**_"He is." Lexie confirmed._**

**_"Oh god, is this real? Or am I hallucinating?" Meredith's now slightly panicked. Realizing that she was stuck in whatever this was._**

* * *

"Who's her?" Callie and Arizona ask at the same time, sharing a concerned look.

Amelia doesn't answer right away. "Who's her?" Arizona asks quietly. Still no answer. "I think I know who it is, I've seen Alex a few minutes ago, talked to him and he seemed worried and not like his old self. "So it's either Jo or Meredith." Arizona concludes. "Jo's his girlfriend and Meredith's like his sister. I think it's one of them." Callie stares at her incredulous for a moment.

"You mean it could be Meredith and Derek isn't here?"

"Shepherd. What is going on here?" Callie asks. "It's not Meredith, right? It's a patient you're talking about ..."

"I wish I were." Amelia replied.

"It's Meredith. Bailey has taken her down for CT to check for internal bleeding since the ceiling fell on her."

"The ceiling ..." Arizona repeats shocked. "The ceiling fell on her." Amelia confirms. "Is she okay?" Amelia just shakes her head. "No, she isn't. What about brain surgery does sound okay to you."

Then her pager beeps for another time. This time it was Bailey. Worriedly, Amelia glances at it.

"She has the results. So could you please take care of the children?" Amelia asks pleadingly. "Of course, of course." Callie acquiesces in no time. "We take the kids, of course, no question." Shock sounds in her voice, she certainly hasn't expected that.

"So what you say is that my sister is hurt - badly." Maggie interrupted the conversation.

"I'm sorry." Amelia silently replies. "But yes, she's hurt. I did the surgery and now we're taking her for scans."

"What surgery?"

"She had an epidural hematoma, there wasn't time for scans." Amelia explains. "But I have to go, Bailey's paging me." With that she hurries away. Maggie, Arizona and Callie stare after the neurosurgeon in shock. "I never really had the chance to get to know her, what if I never ... what if she doesn't survive this?"

"This is Grey we're talking about, she has more lives than a cat." Callie says reassuringly but even her voice shakes. "Come we promised her we would look after Meredith's kids so let's do that to keep this off our minds."

* * *

"What do we have?" asked Dr. Amelia Shepherd as she enters the viewing room, she knew this was not her specialty but she had Bailey page her as soon as they have the images and that seems to be now "I can see definitely free fluid in the abdominal space." Dr. Bailey said, her eyes fixated on the images on the computer screen. She and then pointed to the CT images of Meredith's abdomen. "There, you see that?" Amelia nods in reply.

„Damn it." Amelia says, glancing at the images. Bailey was right there was free fluid. „Do you know where it comes from." She then asks. "I have no idea but what I know is that we need to go in there and stop the hemorrhage. We have no choice."

„So that seems like we'll do the Head - CT later, I suppose. This has priority." Amelia says, staring intently at the scans, not believing what was happening. Bailey nods. "That's what I thought. "For now she's neurologically stable, isn't she?" "She is." Amelia answers right away, she has her eyes still fixated on the computer screen. On the image showing Meredith's abdomen.

„This is worse than I thought it was." Amelia mumbles quietly, shock covers her features.

„Hey, I am good. I won't let her die, I won't allow that." Bailey tries to assure her. "You don't know what is and what will be." Amelia only replies. "I will do my very best. This is the fifth time I am working on her and she survived even when the odds weren't on her side. I got this." Here was no room for self - doubt. Amelia nods.

"She will, she has to pull through."

"Okay, now we need to get her to an OR. Is the OR prepped and ready? Move people, we're walking on borrowed time." Bailey calls as she enters the CT room to get her out of the machine and to the OR. In this moment Amelia's pager beeps loudly, interrupting the dreading silence. She gasps when she reads why they were paging her.

_Derek is here. He's waiting for someone to take him to Meredith._

_He is waiting. Derek is here, waiting._

_Scared out of his mind and nervous, very nervous._

* * *

Derek's plane was now landing at the airport of Portland. Now he just needs to get to Seattle and that preferably fast. He needs to see for himself that Meredith was still alive. He decided to rent a car, doesn't matter how much it'll cost. Somehow he'll get to Seattle. Before he starts to drive he grabs his cell phone, checking if he had missed any calls from his sister, his colleagues or someone else that knows what's going on.

But there were no phone calls, all of his colleagues are somehow preoccupied and not talking with his answering machine. He needs about three hours to get from Seattle to Portland. But even this feels like a really long time.

All he can think about is is how Meredith's doing.

After a three hour ride to Seattle he parks the car in the parking lot a few meters away from the entrance. He is there. Now he can see how his wife is doing, he hopes it won't be as bad as he thinks it is.

He waits for his sister, hoping desperately Meredith was okay. He asked the man on the front desk where his wife's room was but he doesn't got a real answer. Already fearing the worst, he asks to page Amy or anyone else who might knows what's going on with his wife, with Meredith. "Can you tell me my wife's room number?" He asks, worried.

"Name?"

"Meredith Grey. Can you point me toward her room?" Derek asks impatiently.

"Sorry but we can't give it to you."

"Why's that? She is my wife. Could you page Dr. Shepherd then?" Derek just hopes that she will be okay despite the head injury. Meredith just has to be okay, she's the love of his life and he doesn't even know if she knows that ... Then after what felt like hours, Amelia comes. She did not dare to look at him, out of fear probably. What she should expect. After all, she was the leading surgeon on Meredith's case.

She kinda feels like she's freaking out.

How is she going to tell him, how can she look him into the eye if ...

"Amy." He calls out when he sees his little sister coming towards him.

* * *

**_"Meredith, we're wasting important time, time you don't have or you won't be able to get back." Lexie urged her older sister who just shrugged and sat down on some gurney in the hall. "So what?" Meredith asked. "Derek has his huge presidential brain-mapping project and Zo and Bayls. He won't miss me. Alex is preoccupied with Jo, Cristina is in Zurich ... Everyone is moving forward and I am the one stuck."_**

**_"I'll always be intern Meredith. Stupid, naive intern Meredith."_**

_"You're a baby, Meredith." Derek's voice still sounded in her ears. That was when their trial about malignant gliomas got published. "You have the ability to be a good surgeon, maybe even a great but right now you're just a baby."  
_

**_"Stop saying that. You're making yourself actually believe the crap you are talking now." Lexie exploded._**

**_She had held herself back but she couldn't watch this anymore._**

**_"You are talking nonsense. Stop talking like that. You're not a worthless piece of shit, as Alex would say. You're not." Lexie breathed in. Hoping her sister would stop doing this to herself. "I am not." Meredith repeated. So, now we're getting somewhere._**

**_"Derek will be devastated if you die." Lexie tried to get her to realize._**

**_But failed miserably._**

**_"He won't. He'll be better off without me. All of them will be." Meredith said in reply. "But they need their mommy. I can't let you take that away from Zola and Bailey, the kids you have with brain man."_**

**_Meredith let out a bitter laugh._**

**_"He hates me for not going with him to D.C. I'm the one ripping this family apart. I didn't want to go to D.C. And now he lives there and I live here." Meredith scoffed at the realization of that. "He does not hate you." Lexie held against Meredith's statement. "He does, although he never admits it."_**

**_"Okay, Meredith, I am not saying this again: What you are talking now is nonsense. Derek loves you. You and Derek _****_are living proof that love exists, that it works. So don't say he hates you because that isn't the case. He loves you, he does."  
_**

* * *

**_"Big Grey. What the hell are you doing right now, this is a giant mistake." Mark suddenly appeared next to them, staring down at a worried Derek sitting in the waiting, anxiously waiting for news on his wife._**

**_"Mark ... what are you doing here?" Meredith exclaimed, a smile forming on her face seeing Mark and her sister happy after all. Mark glanced at Meredith, then back at Derek who was talking to Amelia about Meredith and her current condition. He looked like he was on the verge of freaking out completely.  
_**

**_"Better question: What are you doing here?" He asked back, eyeing Meredith suspiciously. "And why are you not fighting to get back to them? Don't you remember what happened the last time this happened, you being here trapped in limbo." He was refering to the drowning incident that almost killed her.  
_**

**_"I am fighting." Meredith replied stubbornly._**

**_"But not enough." Mark said, while shaking his head._**

**_"There was an earthquake and somehow I got injured." Meredith explained. "And refused treatment." Lexie cut in, Mark's eyes turned to her._**

**_"I was fine." Meredith insisted on being fine although she obviously wasn't fine. _**

**_"But you weren't and you know it."_**

**_"Maybe I wasn't." Meredith relented. Finally, they were getting somewhere._**

* * *

_A/N: So Meredith really is in a dark and twisty place. I kind of like writing that Meredith, exploring the dark side of Meredith Grey ... So she blames herself for everything that's happened, saying she could have done better. Somehow. She's blaming herself for no reason. Sadly. But that's Meredith.  
_

_I hope you liked this chapter. Also, Happy Easter!_

_Please review._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

"Can you page Dr. Shepherd then?" Derek urges. Why does everything have to be so screwed up?

He doesn't get it. Really he doesn't.

Derek just hopes that she will be okay despite the head injury. Meredith just has to be okay, she's the love of his life and he doesn't even know if she knows that ... Then after what felt like hours, Amelia comes. She did not dare to look at him, out of fear probably. What she should expect. After all, she was the leading surgeon on Meredith's case. Is the leading surgeon on Meredith's case, even if Bailey was operating on her in this moment.

She kinda feels like she's freaking out.

Amelia _is_ freaking out.

How is she going to tell him, how can she look him into the eye if ...

"Amy." He calls out when he sees his little sister coming towards him. "Derek ..." She says, toneless. Fearing the worst reaction of all. "Amy, how is Meredith?" He asks, for Amy's sake trying to be calm - it wouldn't help matters if he starts shouting at her, trying not think of what would be if she told him that ... One question and one answer that would determine the course of his life. His. The kids' lives and of course Meredith's - if she's still alive.

"Please tell me how did the surgery go? Is she stable?" He asks, firing one question after another at his sister.

Who wanted to be anywhere, just not here.

"Derek." Amelia says his name for another time, causing Derek to look Amelia in the face. Fear and remorse was painted on it. Derek saw that look on his siater's face, his worst fears become suddenly reality ...

"No ... no." Derek got out, nearly hysteric. "No ... it can't be."

Was it to late?

Did he fly all the way out here just to discover that the love of his life was _dead_?

No, the universe just can't be that cruel.

Meredith can't be dead. She has to much to live for, she can't be ... But does she know that she has so much to live for? When was the last time he told her that he loved her? When was it? Crap, he couldn't remember. No. No. No, his brain was shouting at him.

Amelia's eyes went wide. Oh, no, he thinks she's dead.

"No, Derek, no she isn't dead. It's not what you think." Amelia stammers, feeling like a complete idiot.

"She's not?" Derek tries to not keep his hopes up - in case Meredith is ...

"She's not dead." Amelia chokes tears back. "But still, Bailey's operating on her." Now Derek was worried _and _confused. Mostly worried. This was a real nightmare, it can't be true. "Amy." Derek says her name. "I thought it was a brain bleed? Not ..." He had no idea. "It was, and I fixed that. But then I called down for a general consult since the ceiling fell before, she ... she was operating 'til she collapsed - she said she was fine. And I bonehead believed her ..." Now she's rambling.

"Amy, you're scaring me. For all I know is that Bailey's operating on my wife, that you operated on her. What the hell is going on?" Derek asks, seeing the hints of tears on his sister's face. Like she had cried.

"I'm so ..." Amelia got out. "It's okay. Just calm down and then tell me where Meredith and what happened." He was surprised that he can act like that, suppressing all the fears and the worries. He might seem composed but on the inside he was a mess. But freaking out and blaming Amelia wouldn't help matters.

Derek wanted clarity.

"She's neurologically stable, Derek." Amelia says when she had calmed herself down. "But I ordered a general consult too since the ceiling fell and hit her in the process."

"The ceiling ... fell?"

"The water supply in OR 3 has been damaged." Amelia explained. "That caused it to break fall down."

"Did that happen while you were operating?" Derek demands to know. Amelia shakes her head. "I was paged after the ceiling came down. She was operating with a head injury, Derek."

"She was _what_?"

"She operated with a head injury, you never told me that she's so stubborn. This is all my fault ..."

Amelia glances at him, a shocked expression covers his face while he tries to process everything. "What, no - you said she is neurologically stable, if didn't do the surgery at all, chances are she might not even be alive anymore."

"But I should have never believed her without proof. Then none of this would have happened. Bailey wouldn't be operating on her, if we had catched this in time. She wouldn't have been in that OR at all."

Derek doesn't know what to feel. This was too much, he had no idea how it comes that he's holding it together.

"Can I see her films?" He asks.

He needs to know how bad it was. Amelia shakes her head. "We had no time to take her down to CT and not to mention the fact that CT has been shut down. I went in blind."

Derek doesn't say anything. "You went in blind?" After Amelia nodded, he says: "Crap." He runs his hands over his face and skids down the wall, burying his face in his hands. He is now in te same position he was in when Meredith was clinically dead for three hours. At least she was still alive. Amelia doesn't know what to do. She touches his shoulder for support but doesn't think it really help.

So she just sits down next to him, waiting for news.

Both are silent 'til Amelia breaks it.

"We just have to wait. Bailey's going to save her and everything will be okay." Although she was holding it together, trying to hold it together, she just couldn't anymore. It was too much. Too much happened today. She just breaks down. The other times, she was near breaking down but now - now that Derek's here ... Everything's just to much to take.

* * *

Cristina doesn't know what to do. There were no freaking flights going to Seattle-Tacoma Airport. This can't be true. "Oh, God what am I gonna do?" She exclaimed. People were looking at her, like she was going crazy.

"Ross. Why aren't there any flights to Seattle." Cristina shouts into the phone as soon as Ross picked it up.

"Cristina. Is that you?" Ross asks when he hears a familiar voice speaking with him.

"Who else should it be?" She counters. "Listen to me, Ross. I am standing on the damn airport in Zurich, discovering that there are no flights to Seattle while my person is possibly dying. I need to get to Seattle. Even if I need to hire a private plane or something. Is that possible?"

"Yeah, I'll ..." Shane Ross begins. "... what I can do."

Then the line goes dead.

Cristina looks around, people are waiting for their interconnecting flights. "I can't stand this any longer." She mumbles, offhandedly. She presses a few buttons on her cell, scrolling to find Alex' name in her address book. She needs to get as much information as possible.

She calls him, waiting for him to answer his damn phone.

_Come on, come on, answer._

* * *

**_Meredith's heart was beating hollowly in her chest, she didn't expect him to react like this. She didn't really thought he would care. But in all likelihood, he does care. She sees it now, in this moment but a voice next to Lexie and her distracted her. She knew that voice from somewhere._**

**_"Look at this, Meredith." Suddenly both of them were standing in Meredith's room in Neuro-ICU. "What am I looking at?" Meredith asked confused. "Look. Just look. Because he cares. He really does. Otherwise he wouldn't be sitting there, crying his eyes out. Meredith swallowed, it did hurt seeing him like this just because of her.  
_**

**_Her again._**

**_"Big Grey. What the hell are you doing right now, this is a giant mistake."Mark told her._**

**_Mark suddenly appeared next to them, staring down at unconscious Meredith on the bed and Derek holding her hand begging to not leave him and the kids alone. "We need you, Mer. Please come back. Fight." Derek told her, holding onto her hand tightly._**

**_Meredith's heart was beating hollowly in her chest, she didn't expect him to react like this. She didn't really thought he would care. But in all likelihood, he does care. She sees it now, in this moment but a voice next to Lexie and her distracted her. She knew that voice from somewhere._**

**_"Mark ... what are you doing here?" Meredith exclaimed, a smile forming on her face seeing Mark and her sister happy after all. Mark glanced at Meredith, then back at the other Meredith in the ICU room.  
_**

**_"Better question: What are you doing here?" He asked back, eyeing Meredith suspiciously. "And why are you not fighting to get back to them?" "There was an earthquake and somehow I got injured." Meredith explained. "And refused treatment. I watched you refusing Amelia's help." Lexie cut in, Mark's eyes turned to her._**

**_"I was fine." Meredith insisted. "You though you were fine- but hell, Meredith, that's the problem: you are always fine, especially when you are not. But you weren't and you know it."_**

**_Meredith looked at Lexie for a moment. She was right but ..._**

**_"I am fine."_**

**_"No, Meredith you aren't fine. How does lying in a bed in Neuro-ICU sound fine to you?" Lexie tried to get her to be cooperative but heck, Meredith was very stubborn in that matter.  
_**

**_"They are doing everything they can." Meredith stated._**

**_"Yeah, I know. They will fight for you, so much is clear." Lexie looked to Bailey, Amelia and Derek who were all in Meredith's ICU room, staring at monitors, Derek desperately holding onto Meredith's hand and Amelia and both Derek seemed to blame themselves for what happened. All of them were torn into little pieces.  
_**

**_Meredith dying on them would destroy them._**

**_Derek._**

**_Amelia._**

**_The kids. Even if they're to young to understand what's going on._**

**_"He's holding my hand." Meredith whispered. "He does." Lexie confirmed. "He never stopped loving you."_**

**_"He never stopped ..." Meredith repeated, turning her head to look at Derek. Of course, he didn't see her the way she saw him right now._**

**_Mark cleared his throat, causing Meredith to turn around. "What is it, Mark?" She asked. "Am I running out of time?"_**

**_"That too."_**

**_"Oh." Meredith said. "Here's the thing, Big Grey. Amelia and Derek both grew up without a dad. You did too. Although your dad left and their died which is besides the point. Fact is, you both know what it's like to grow up with only one parent. Do you really want to do that to Zola and Bailey? Do you want them to grow up and have all these issues you had? 'Cause that's where this is headed. I know you love your kids. I've seen you with them and I know you won't want them to be damaged as you were when you started here, Meredith."_**

**_Then he added a bit quieter: "Think about it."_**

**_It was true, when Meredith about it, about what Mark Sloan had said. He was right. She didn't want her kids to grow up without a mother._**

**_They deserve a mother. A living mother. Derek isn't enough, they need a mother. She can't take that from them._**

**_"It is clear that they won't give up on you. And I won't give up on you either. You are my sister, Mer. And I can't watch you throwing everything away you worked so hard for, to even get there - you are a fighter, Mer. Just fight. We'll always be sisters, even if I'm dead and you're not. You have Maggie. I watched her and she's a nice girl, give her a shot, Meredith. You deserve a living sister." Lexie assured her. "This is not you replacing me. This is you meeting your other sister. Let her in your life. Believe me, it'll be worth it."_**

**_"How did you know about Maggie?" Meredith asked, certainly she didn't expect this.  
_**

**_"I watched you, and everyone in the hospital. I was with you when you gave birth to Bailey, I was there."_**

**_Meredith looked at her blankly._**

**_"Hah." She exclaimed._**

**_"You're the reason I survived. Or one of the reasons, whatever. But why didn't I meet you."_**

**_"Because back then, you fought to stay alive even though your blood kind of wasn't cooperating." "Is this a nice way of saying that I was in DIC?" Meredith asked back. "If you want it to be, yes."_**

* * *

"Jo." Alex is standing there. Jo takes him by his hand and leads him to the nearest on-call room so that they have some privacy. But not for that thing that couples normally do if entering an on-call room. This time, it was about comfort and privacy. Not about dirty on-call room sex. "They took her up for surgery." Jo Wilson looks at him in horror. This wasn't good. The entire day is pure horror. "So I didn't imagine it." She says thoughtful. She remembers Meredith's pained expression in the operating room all too well.

"You didn't imagine what?" Alex asks immediately focused on her. "That there was something wrong not only with her head but with her adomen, I knew it or I thought. I probably should have said something right, I mean I would have if they hadn't ordered the general consult ..."

She starts rambling.

"Another surgery." Alex said incoherently.

"What if she isn't strong enough to survive another surgery?" Alex said. "She's family, you know? She's like a sister to me, I adopted her as my little sister." "She'll survive." Jo tries to tell him, partly relieved there was no sexual interest between them, just brother-sister-love. She is confident that Meredith makes it.

There is no other possibility.

The other possibility is to scary to even imagine.

"We keep dying." He suddenly says.

Jo's eyes are on him. "Come here, Alex." Jo says, pushing a streak out of her face and pulled Alex into a hug. Both are sitting on the lower bunk bed. "Looks like you needed one." She whispers into his ear. Alex smiles at her, looking at his pager repeatedly. "Give me that." Jo says, grabbing his pager. "You are making yourself nervous. You can't help her anyway. I bet they do the best they can. It's best if you stay out of the way."

Jo Wilson comforted him in ways another person was never able to.

Alex doesn't know what he should do without Wilson.

In this moment, Jo's pager started beeped. "Crap." She says out loud. Damn pager, why does someone has to page her right now.

It was Hunt.

"It's Hunt." Jo says, kissing him quickly on the cheek. "I have to go. Do you think your gonna be okay on your own?" Jo sends a worried glance to Alex. "I'm not a freakin' invalid. I'll be fine, just go, save some lives."

"Okay." Jo nods. Leaving. Closing the door after she left. She left his pager on the bed.

He grabs it and scans it for any new messages even though he knows he doesn't have any, since the pager would have beeped if there were any new messages. Of course there weren't any. He would have heard that.

Why was everyone leaving him, Alex silently thought. George, although he had never been big with him but he'd considered him as a friend; Izzie, who left him; then Cristina who went to Zurich to work on some fancy institute and now Meredith was on the verge of dying. This really has to be a bad dream.

_/Everyone is leaving and everyone is dying./_

But she certainly didn't thought that it would be her.

Seems like Meredith was right when she'd yelled at him at the airport when he wanted to leave for Hopkins, Baltimore, Maryland. And now she was the one dying. Life really wasn't fair. Somehow it's ironic - that she was the one who said this and in the end it is her who is plying between life and death. Isn't that ironic?

In this moment, his phone rings.

Why his phone? Who was phoning him now? He reaches for his cell, glancing at the display.

Caller-ID says _Cristina Yang_.

Cristina is calling him. There's only one reason: She knows about the earthquake (all the media makes it possible) couldn't reach Meredith (who was in OR 1 as a patient, so calling her via cell phone's pretty much impossible).

"Alex Karev." He says as he answers the phone call.

* * *

Jo is hurrying down the hallway, meeting Stephanie on the way to the emergency department. "Do you have any idea why they would page us?" Her friend asks as they walk through the hallways. "Oh, you don't want to know really." "How come you know?" Stephanie asks, looking at her friend. Jo doesn't think it was okay if she told her but does she have a choice. It's just Steph. "Remember when I was operating with Alex and Grey?" Steph nods. Yeah, she remembers that.

Jo had told her before she went scrubbing in.

"Well, Grey ... she collapsed. EDH and some internal injuries but I don't know. I don't want to talk about and I'd appreciate if you don't talk about it either." Jo says, hoping Stephanie would keep her mouth shut.

"Okay, people, we have a situation here." Owen Hunt announces when everyone is standing in a circle around him.

"What are you talking about, I mean ..." Kepner interrupts him. She has no idea what he's talking about.

"Kepner, please." Hunt says when he hears Kepner talking to him. "It's okay, April. Let him talk." Jackson says, calming April down. He obviously knows what was going on. "Uh, okay. No need to freak out on me." April replies.

"We kind of have a situation." He says, looking around.

"What kind of situation." Webber asks.

"We're down one surgeon and we have more incoming. Seems like we have a lot of work to do." Owen Hunt continues."What do you mean, we're down a doctor?" Ben Warren asks the questio that was circling in everyone's mind right now. "Did someone of our own got injured in the earthquake?" He asks. All personnel glances at Owen Hunt. "I ..." He says but before he could say another word, he got interrupted through his pager.

In this moment, his pager beeps loudly. Someone was paging him to OR 1. "Okay, guys, I just got a page from OR 1, they need me there. Which means I have to go now." He says while looking at his pager. He had a bad feeling about this page.

And right so.

* * *

They started the surgery as soon as the anesthesiologist had put Meredith under. A few hours into the surgery: „Why can't I locate where this bleeder comes from?" Bailey calls out, worriedly.

She couldn't believe that she is operating on Meredith Grey for the fourth time (in an actual OR). The second time because she was in the need of an emergency surgery. Why does Meredith always have that bad luck? How can that be? "Where does all this all blood come from? This can't be happening … Grey, don't you dare cop on me now, Grey. Don't you dare." She mumbles as she feebly worked to save her friend's and colleague's life.

She tries to identify the source of that bleeding. Meredith can't be bleeding that much without a proper source. "Come on, come on, don't do you dare doing this." She conjured the unconscious Meredith who probably couldn't even hear her. But it was worth a try.

"Damn, I need more hands. Page Hunt. I need every help I can possibly get. If he's not available, page Webber now." Bailey's voice sounds alarmed and serious. "Right away, doctor." The OR nurse answers and reached for the phone to page Hunt now. This was really bad, really, really bad. But she couldn't help it.

"Damn it." Bailey mutters. There was blood, a lot of it.

"She loses too much blood."

She says. "We need blood units of blood group AB neg. And that fast." A nurse nodded and reached for the phone. She dialed the hospital's blood bank and spoke frantically into the phone: "We need four units of blood group AB in OR 1." Meredith lost more and more blood. "Where is the damn blood?" Dr. Bailey struggled to locate the source of bleeding. Finally they had found the source. It was a tiny crack in the renal pelvic artery.

Meanwhile, the blood was also there. They started to transfuse, as the monitor began frantically and piercingly to beep.

"Oh, no." Dr. Bailey exclaimed.

In this moment, Owen Hunt enters the OR. Running.

"Fill me in of her condition."

"I need more hands in here." Bailey says without looking up.

* * *

_**Meredith laughed. This was a nice way to put it. But Lexie's face darkened. "And it's what's happening now. Meredith, if you don't fight you are gonna die. You die, cease to exist. You need to fight. There isn't any more than to spare." Lexie became exaperate with Meredith but she didn't think once about giving up on her.**_

_**She was her sister, she couldn't give up on her. She just has to be very persistent.**_

_**"But how? How can I go back?" Meredith asked in a last-ditch attempt.**_

_**"That you have to figure out." Lexie said. "We're just here to guide you." "To guide me?" Meredith repeated, staring at her little sister.  
**_

_**"To guide you back to the living as you maybe remember from your first experience with the limbo world." Lexie glanced at her big sister. "Now go. You know now that Mark and I are fine."**_

_**Meredith looked around, suddenly she remembered a thing. She couldn't help but ask.**_

_**"Did you meet your mother, Susan? Is she ... is she here too? What about my mother?" Meredith wanted to know. Lexie was surprised. "Remember, I was always fond of her." Meredith looked to the ground, suddenly feeling the need to add something. "I didn't kill her. It wasn't me that killed her ..." Lexie grabbed her hand and pressed it.**_

_**"It's okay, I know you didn't do anything, I never believed or said anything like that. It was Dad who said that and even he realized that he was wrong." Meredith nodded. But too late, she thought.  
**_

_**"Meredith." A warm voice was greeting her. Meredith turned around. "Susan?" She called out, pleasantly surprised.**_

_**"Why are you all here?" Meredith asked.**_

_** "Why are you all here?" She repeated her most pressing question. This can't be it, she can't be stuck in afterlife. Or limbo or whatever this place is called.**_

_**"We are here because of you." Another voice she knew. This was getting eerie.**_

_**Meredith turned around and faced her mother. She was there out of sudden. "Meredith, not again. What are you doing here?" She asked, looking at her. "It wasn't my fault, I already did say that." Meredith defended herself.**_

_**"We know that but ..."  
**_

_**Meredith interrupted her mother. "Why did you give Maggie up? I could've have grown up having a sister. Having siblings is amazing. Lexie taught that." Ellis stared at her blankly.  
**_

_**"How do you know about Maggie?" **_

_**"She started working at Grey Sloan Memorial." Meredith explained. "Why didn't you tell me about her when you were lucid, I mean, I'd wanna know if I had another sister ..." Meredith looked over to Lexie. "I deserved to know that, maybe I wanted to meet or her something, get in contact before she ... my point is I would have wanted to know, or at least, deserved to know." She added: **__**"And then it wouldn't have been so hard to accept Lexie as my sister."**_

_**"Yeah, okay, I made a mistake by not telling you. She remembered me of him. I couldn't take care of two kids, I'm sorry, Meredith. But you really need to go back, you're running out of time. They've opened you up for the second time now. You have to fight. You know, we all ..."**_

_**"... love you." This was Lexie again. "But promise me you'll fight to stay the hell out of the light."**_

_**Meredith breathes in.**_

_**"****I want to go back****."**_

_**"You're running out of time."**_

_**"What?"**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

Cristina Yang looks around, people are waiting for their interconnecting flights.

"I can't stand this any longer." She mumbles, offhandedly. She presses a few buttons on her cell, scrolling to find Alex' name in her address book. She needs to get as much information as possible. Therefore she needs to call Alex. She didn't exactly had a choice in that matter.

She calls him, waiting for him to answer his damn phone. But somehow he doesn't answer his phone. Why isn't he answering his phone?

_Come on, come on, answer._

_Come on, evilspawn, now isn't the right time to not pick up your damn phone._

"Answer your damn phone, Alex." She grits through her teeth. Then finally after what seemed like an eternity, Alex answered his phone. Cristina lets out a deep sigh when she hears his voice. "Alex Karev." He says as he answers the phone call.

"Why is it so damn difficult for you to answer phone in a situation like this?" Cristina yells into the phone, her voice is shaking a bit.

Alex assumes that she knows about Meredith. That would explain her reaction.

"Oh, Cristina. Don't yell into the phone. I know you're probably freaked out by everything but ..." But before Alex could end the sentence, Cristina cut him off. Loudly. Alex held his phone away from his ear because Cristina's voice was so loud. Then she fired the first question. "How is she?" Cristina demanded to know.

"You're are talking about ..." He was still not sure whether he should say something or not.

"Meredith, you idiot." Cristina yelled into the phone. Why can't he just answer the damn question? She was worried sick about Meredith. "How do you know about what happened?" "How do you know what happened?" Cristina knows it was wrong but she couldn't help being that way. "I was there, okay?" He runs his hands through his hair, nervously. "I was there when she collapsed."

"You were there?" Cristina asked, wanting to know everything she could even if she wasn't able to catch an early flight.

"Yeah. Maybe you know already about the epidural hematoma, right? Well, she made through that surgery." Alex had no idea how he should tell her about that it wasn't just one surgery. That Miranda Bailey was operating on her as they speak, still trying to find the source of the abdominal bleeding. She didn't know that. Doesn't know that.

"So she's in Neuro-ICU." Cristina concluded, not knowing that she was wrong.

"No, that's the point, Cristina. She isn't lying in Neuro-ICU. They took her down to the OR, this time Bailey's operating on her." Cristina frowns, she was pretty sure he just said that it was neuro, not general. What is he talking about? Right now, she hates the fact that she's living so far away from Seattle. But she'll be on the first flight out.

"_WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?_ Alex, why didn't you tell me?" Cristina shouts into the phone, fantic.

"The damn ceiling fell, that's what happened." Alex answers, knowing Cristina would completely freak out when she hears this. "The ceiling fell?" Cristina repeats. "Yeah, on her." Alex adds. "How do you know?" She asks, forgetting the fact that he already told her that. She hears Alex sighing on the other line.

"I already told you that I was with her in an OR when she collapsed. She was operating, then there was an aftershock which caused to ceiling to fall down - on her." He explains, giving her just the broad strokes of what happened. "How can you let her operate with a possible TBI?" Cristina asks, "This is just crazy." She exclaims.

"You know Mer, Cristina, better than any of us. She said she fine. That's why we shouldn't operate on family, it clouds judgment. And that's what happened here."

* * *

_**"But you really need to go back, you're running out of time. They've opened you up for the second time now. You have to fight. You know, we all ..."**_

_**"... love you." This was Lexie again. "But promise me you'll fight to stay the hell out of the light."**_

_**Meredith breathes in.**_

_**"I want to go back." She stated. "I don't want to be in this limbo-world anymore, I want to go back to Derek and Zola and Bailey ... I need to go back." Lexie glanced at her sister for a moment. Then she sighed.  
**_

_**"You're running out of time."**_

_**"What?" Meredith stared at them in shock.  
**_

_**It can't be too late, it can't be ... "What, no. It can't be too late." She said, shaking her head. Nervously, she stood up and started pacing around. "I want to go back." Lexie nodded. "We know."  
**_

_**"I need to, I can't let them grow up without mother." Meredith seemed total**_

_**She knew she wanted to go back but she can't ... but she has to go back, she has to ... She can't do that Derek, she can't do that to her kids.**_

_**She has to go back.**_

_**And Cristina. She said she needs her person to be alive.**_

_**"I ... need to go back. Please help me go back. Can you do that?" Meredith now seemed desperate.**_

_**Lexie locked eyes with her sister.**_

_**"We'll do as much as we can to help you get back to the living but the most part you have to do yourself." She answered. Meredit nodded. Run! That's what she's talking about, she is still remembering that from the last time.**_

_**Then Lexie hugged her, whispering in her ear that she loves her and that she was a great sister and that she should remember that. Meredith smiled at her, then **_

* * *

The situation in the OR was critical. All staff in that operating room knows that.

"Damn, I need more hands. Page Hunt. I need every help I can possibly get. If he's not available, page Webber now." Bailey's voice sounds alarmed and serious. "Right away, doctor." The OR nurse answers and reached for the phone to page Hunt now. This was really bad, really, really bad. But she couldn't help it.

"Damn it." Bailey mutters. There was blood, a lot of it.

"She loses too much blood."

She says. "We need blood units of blood group AB neg. And that fast." A nurse nodded and reached for the phone. She dialed the hospital's blood bank and spoke frantically into the phone: "We need four units of blood group AB in OR 1." Meredith lost more and more blood. "Where is the damn blood?" Dr. Bailey struggled to locate the source of bleeding.

Meanwhile, the blood was also there. They started to transfuse, as the monitor began frantically and piercingly to beep. Bailey looks up, scanning the cardiac monitor. Heartbeat accelerated up to 158 bpm while her blood pressure was on the low side and falling. Oh no, don't let this be what she thinks this is. _Don't even think about starting to crash, Grey._

That was all she could think, and that she needed to find the source of this bleeding. If she doesn't find it soon, all blood transfusions in the world wouldn't help her if she keeps bleeding.

"Oh, no." Dr. Bailey exclaimed.

In this moment, Owen Hunt enters the OR. Running.

"Fill me in of her condition." He orders as he joins Dr. Bailey on the table, who is desperately trying to keep her stable and a cardiac monitor that indicated that Meredith's heartbeat is going up. They can't keep suctioning without finding the source. Maybe they need to pack her up and do damage control. It wasn't optimal but doable. But no, she wasn't doing that.

This was Meredith Grey, she wasn't packing her, closing her up and just wait and see and hope for the best. "I need more hands in here." Bailey says without looking up. "I'm coming." Owen says as he joined her.

"I can't get this bleeding to stop." Bailey says, she was elbow-deep in Meredith's insides that are a mass.

Then the cardiac monitor signaled trouble. Her heartbeat was going up.

Owen Hunt took over routine. He knew that it could have been worse, but he tried everything to stabilize the patient. Dr. Bailey and Dr. Hunt stared motionless on the monitor. She had the tachycardic activity originates that in the ventricles. "Damn, she is getting unstable." Dr. Bailey cursed and tries frantically to find the cause. "What's her pulse?" She asked tensely. "Heartbeat fluctuates between 200 and 300 per minute. In any case, it is much too fast." She is informed by the anesthesiologist.

"I can see that." Dr. Bailey replied.

In that moment, her heartbeat quickened. The two surgeons looked up, startled, as the monitor began frantically and piercing to beep. "Oh, no." Exclaimed Dr. Bailey. In the OR there was a tense silence. Only the monotonous, increasingly faster beeping the cardiac monitor could be heard.

"We need to stop these arrhythmias, she can't go on like this any longer. Get ready to defibrillate." Owen called out.

An OR nurse handed him the paddles, he immediately presses them on Meredith's chest.

"Charge to 200." he demands impatiently. "And clear." He warned his colleagues. Immediately all staff that was somehow working on the patient, raises their hands and stepped away from the table, you could hear the whirring when the machine booted up in seconds. The shock sent Meredith's body flying upwards. The monitor showed no changes. The first loop was not successful.

"No change."

Both surgeons look at the monitor that showed that Meredith was still in ventricular fibrillation.

Dr. Bailey starts performing CPR, while waiting for the paddles to be charged for a second time. They wanted to avoid 'no-flow-time'.

"Damn." Dr. Hunt mutters desperately, sweat ran down his forehead, and he shocked her for a second time. Everyone stared at the monitor but still there were no changes. "Charge to 300." he ordered with a strict tone and again buzzed the machine. "Clear."

Then the third time was successful.

They were relieved that she was back now. They can't imagine how it would be if they needed to inform Derek of Meredith dying in their OR after she survived brain surgery.

Meredith's heart begins to beat slowly, first it only was Sinusbrady, but at least something. After several minutes, stabilized Meredith Grey's heart rate, increased again to a frequency of between 60- 80 beats per min. On the monitor, a regular sinus rhythm could be seen again. What a relief. Dr. Bailey and Dr. Hunt exchanged a look. "Okay, we got her back." He announces as he glances at the heart monitor.

"Let's go people. We a few hours to go." Bailey announces, "I need more suction, I can't see." Dr. Hunt asks as he works together with Dr. Bailey: "What's her fibrinogen level?"

"Less than 100."

"She's not responding to platelets, FFP."

"Prepare antithrombin."

"Woah, she's not clotting and you want to give her an anitcoagulant."

"With all the blood loss her coagulation system is working in overtime. Hopefully with the anticoagulant it'll stop the cascade and her own clotting will start up again. It's her only shot."

"Okay, let's try it."

In this moment, a voice interrupts them. "What are you doing?" Shocked, they look up. It was Richard Webber who is interrupting the surgery. "I'm sorry but I can't talk right now." Bailey tells him without looking up. "What is going on here, why hasn't anyone thought of telling me what is happening in here?"

"I can't talk right now 'cause I have to focus on my patient and that's more important than discussing some things with you that we can discuss after this surgery. But I believe we'll be here a while."

"And the patient is Meredith, am I right?"

"Looks like it, doesn't it?" Bailey gives back. Then she looks up.

"Look, I appreciate your concern or whatever this is but it's clouding my judgment, and right now I need it to save this patient's life. I am not telling Derek that I killed her after the other Shepherd miracously fixed her brain. She's hemorrhaging by the very second and I really need you to leave my OR now." Bailey's voice is sharp as she cut him off.

"We have the antithrombin prepared." A nurse interjected. "Good."

After they injected the antithrombin, her own clotting started up again. "See, it's working. Now we just need to fine the source. Suction, I need more visibility." Bailey says.

"Don't panic, don't panic." She tells herself, now isn't the time. Finally they had found the source. "Found it, there it is." She exclaimed as she felt it with her fingers. It was a tiny tear in the external iliac artery. "Clamp." Bailey clamps it. "Got it." Instantly, the numbers on the screen stabilized. "So what do we do now? Ligate the artery, I'd say."

And that she did.

After they have stopped the hemorrhage, everyone takes a deep breath. This was it. "We're cruising now." Bailey announced.

She was good at beating the impossible odds and Bailey was sure that Meredith would beat them this time too. Everything else was just too horrible to imagine. Time is crucial, they all knew that.

* * *

So she just sits down next to him, waiting for news.

Both are silent 'til Amelia breaks it.

"We just have to wait. Bailey's going to save her and everything will be okay." Although she was holding it together, trying to hold it together, she just couldn't anymore. It was too much. Too much happened today. She just breaks down. The other times, she was near breaking down but now - now that Derek's here ... Everything's just to much to take.

"Yeah, it will be." Derek says, trying to be positive, although it was hard to be ...

Then there was silence, when Amelia interrupts it, feeling the need to say that, she has to say that: "Derek, she's neurologically intact. I did my very best work and I am sure Bailey's doing the same. Now we just have to wait for her to fix her up. But from what I heard, she's good."

Derek nods slightly, taking a deep breath, knowing it still could take hours.

But that was okay since a surgery going long means that the patient's still alive. Or most likely alive.

Amelia waits for him to reply but there was no answer coming from him. Derek doesn't really seem to listen. He is just staring at the wall in disbelief.

_How could this happen?_

That question was constantly circling through his mind.

"This is like the last time his happened. Except, she was dead and not being operated on in the OR." He says. "Well not exactly, but almost. This waiting's just killing me." Amelia just listens to him at him, and finding herself asking what he meant with her being dead. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to ..."

In this moment, Amelia's pager beeps and their conversation a short while ago was completely forgotten. "Your ..." Derek starts. They both know what that can mean if it was Bailey that was paging Amelia. He remembers Amelia saying that Bailey's going to page her as soon as they have finished the surgery.

"My pager is beeping, I know." She says.

Derek doesn't have one since he doesn't work here anymore. The loud beeping of the pager interrupted the silence. Both Amelia and Derek flinch at the sound of it. Amelia reached for her pager that was connected to her hips and stares at it. Derek is nervous and worried.

"Amy, talk to me." Derek urges his sister who stared at her pager.

"What is it? Who is paging you, is it Bailey? Amy, talk to me." Derek is on the verge going hysteric. "Is it Bailey?" He asks frantically for another time. Then finally, Amelia looks up and nods. "Yes, it is Dr. Bailey. She's the one who is paging us. We need to go find her now." She says. Okay, moment of truth. Derek breathes in.

He desperately hopes and prays it'll be good news. He needed it to be good news.

Meredith just has to be okay.

Amelia stands up, waiting for Derek to do the same. "Derek. Come on, we need to go. Bailey's paging us ..." When he doesn't react she reaches for hand and pulled him up with her. And then, Dr. Bailey approaches them with pocker-faced, she was keeping a straight face. They couldn't read her look, what was going on, if the surgery was successful or not ...

* * *

Dr. Bailey first looks at Derek, then over to Amelia, both want to hear how Meredith is doing.

"We were able to stop the bleeding and repair the damage. But Meredith's lost a lot of blood. She's stable, though, for now." Bailey tells them, she seems tired and exhausted. Well, it was a long and difficult surgery. "So, she'll be alright?" Derek asked tentatively, he relaxes a bit when he hears that Meredith survived the surgery. He still knows it'll be a long road but he was ready to face the challenges together with her.

"So she's now in recovery?" Amelia was the only one who able to think clearly. "Yeah, she is now in recovery and we will be moving her back to Neuro-ICU after the anesthesia wears off. Then you'll be able to visit her." She explains, already knowing that Derek will protest.

"Can we see her now? I need, I really need to see her. I've ... I've been such an ass lately to her and she's ..."

Okay, now Derek was freaking out. They all know it, he sees it on their faces.

"Derek." Dr. Bailey raises her voice slightly, forces him to look at her. "Derek Shepherd, look, she's made it that far, she can make it through the rest too. But she needs to you not to freak out yet, okay?" Derek nods numbly.

"Has she woken up yet? Is she breathing on her own?" Derek asks, he needs to know the answers. Needs to know what to expect when entering that ICU room. "No, she hasn't woken up yet, also she's on a vent. We want her to wake up first before thinking about taking her off of it."

"Oh. Okay-" He says, "When can I see her? I mean I really really need to see her and you it. I ..." Bailey looks at the neurosurgeon in sympathy. "As soon as she's out of recovery." She answers. "It won't be that long anymore. I am paging you when she's ready. But I wanted to speak with you at first ... that's she's doing quite well considering the circumstances."

"We appreciate it." Amelia is the one who answers.

"I also suggest that you get something to eat maybe." "There's no way I'll be able to ..." Derek starts protesting. "Don't even think about starting to argue with me, Shepherd." Bailey immediately stops Derek from protesting. "I'll page you, when she's transferred back to Neuro-ICU where we will monitor her very closely." Then she looks over to Amelia who had stayed silent for the most part.

"And you, do you mind taking your brother down to the cafeteria ..." Amelia only nods in reply.

She knows it will be difficult to get him away from Meredith when he's in her room, to get him to think of his own needs. "I will make sure he eats." Amelia confirms. "I had something to eat on the plane. I am not hungry. I don't even want to think about food right now. There are much more important things to focus on."

"Derek."

"Fine. But you'll page me as soon as she's moved. I need to see her!"

With that, he and Amelia headed for the cafeteria to get some food. Derek is upset because he couldn't see Meredith ...

* * *

Finally Bailey is paging them. "It's her, isn't it?" Derek jumps up and impatiently waits for his sister's reply. "Yep, it's her. They've moved her. We can go now." Amelia smiles when she sees Derek's face. He immediately abandons his plate and ran off to Neuro-ICU. He knows that area all to well cnsidering he's normally the one who gives family that kind of news and treat their family in there.

He knows that ward better than anyone else.

And now, Meredith is the patient. It doesn't make any sense. Of course it doesn't. It never makes sense when it comes to those things. Amelia is coming behind him. Bailey already waits for them. "She's in her old room, the one where she was between the surgeries." As she points the direction, Derek headed for that ICU room.

He hears the cardiac monitor and the sighing of the vent and all. But it seemed to unreal.

Surreal is what it is.

He takes a few deep breaths and looks up, seeing a familiar figure lying there but in this moment she just seemed so small and more fragile than ever. He swallows hardly. It hurt him to see Meredith like this.

Just the beeping of the machines could be heard. The heart monitor beeps in regular intervals, showing normal sinus rhythm which was relief. Derek stands there like frozen at first, couldn't react. He just stares at the figure lying in that bed. Derek gasped when he saw Meredith lying there, motionless and surrounded by all kinds of medical devices that were monitoring her vital functions and intracranial pressure.

She is looking so vulnerable.

Her eyes were closed and he wishes nothing more than for her opening her gorgeous eyes so that he can see them. Also, she had a tube in her mouth breathing for her.

"Meredith." He croaks, within seconds he was on her bedside and is holding her hand. Amelia stands there, watching him so broken. Watching him, talking to his unconscious wife. Amelia gazes at them for a moment and she turns away to leave the room.

She wants to give them some privacy. They need some privacy. Or Derek needs some time alone with Meredith.

Derek sits down next to the love of his life on a visitors chair. "Mer, I know I haven't exactly been good to you, haven't treated you the way you deserve to be treated. I don't know if you can hear me but if you can, if there's any chance that you can, I am begging to come back to me and Zozo and Bayls. We ... I need you. Please, Mer. Wake up." He almost cries.

But then he lets go of his emotions, letting them overwhelm him and starts sobbing uncontrollably.

Everything was just to much for him to take. All the guilt he was feeling was coming up. "I ..." He tries to get control over his emotions. "I love you, and I need you - you're everything, my everything. This job, it wasn't everything. You are everything and I am sorry that it took me you almost dying to show me that. So, please Mer come back. Fight."

Derek presses her hand gently and watches her breathe. It's all he can do for now.

But she's alive. And sometimes that's all that really matters ...

* * *

**Meredith sees Derek begging her to stay with him and her heart hurts when she sees him like that. Lexie was behind her, supporting her on her way back. "Run, Meredith and tell Derek that Mark and I say hello." And then Mark: "And tell Derek and Callie and Sof that I love them, okay?" Meredith turned around and smiled at them. Of course she'll do that.  
**

**She now knows that she's not alone, that she has friends and family and the best thing - Derek was waiting for her, begging her to stay alive.**

**She wanted to go back. But before she does she needs to do one thing. **

**Meredith turns to Lexie and just hugged her for a moment. She needed that moment with her sister. "I love you, Lex. You know that, right?" "Yeah." She choked out. "Now run. Meredith. Fight as hell to get back. Please run." She intructed.**

**And with that Meredith runs ...**

**She runs ...**

**... to get back to Derek and her family.**

* * *

_A/N: Hope you like it. Please review.  
_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

Derek sits down next to the love of his life on a visitors chair.

"Mer, I know I haven't exactly been good to you, haven't treated you the way you deserve to be treated. I don't know if you can hear me but if you can, if there's any chance that you can, I am begging to come back to me and Zozo and Bayls. We ... I need you. Please, Mer. Wake up." Derek almost cries when he says these words, not exactly knowing if Meredith can hear him in her current state.

It really hurts him to see her like this.

This wasn't the Meredith he knew.

But then he lets go of his emotions, letting them overwhelm him and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Guilt was one of them.

Everything was just to much for him to take. All the guilt he was feeling was coming up. "I ..." He tries to get control over his emotions. "I love you, and I need you - you're everything, my everything. This job, it wasn't everything. I ... I was wrong. You are everything and I am sorry that it took me you almost dying to show me that. So, please Mer come back. Fight."

Derek presses her hand gently and watches her breathe. It's all he can do for now.

But she's alive. Meredith is alive. And sometimes that's all that really matters ... "Please wake up." He murmurs for another time, watching her chest rise and fall. But for now the vent did the hard work for her.

"For me, for us." He whispers, gently stroking her hair. He couldn't believe this was really happening, Meredith being treated in NSICU for a traumatic brain injury. This isn't how it's supposed to go, this isn't ... He wanted to come home this weekend, he had an surprise visit planned. Meredith didn't know about that, he wanted to surprise her ... But now, she doesn't even know she's here ... He shakes his head, pressing Meredith's hand tightly, to let her know that she's here. He knows what the devices are for. Of course he does, he's a neurosurgeon.

But still, seeing this as family this is different. Harder.

"Derek. It's time." Amy's voice rips him out of his overwhelming thoughts. "How is she?" Amelia asks tentatively.

Derek almost forgets was she said before, that it was time for something.

"No changes, but vital's are stable." He then answers, not looking away from Meredith for a second. Even now, with all these wires and devices that are somehow connected to her, she looks beautiful.

"That's good. But we have to ..."

Derek flinches when he hears that his sister was speaking with him.

She enters the room quietly, controlling the Electroencephalogram that was monitoring the eletrical activity of her brain. It's completely normal, no abnormalities or signs of seizures or anything. Derek watches his sister's moves as she controlling everything. "Time for what?" Derek asks as he remembers his sister saying something about time, his gaze glancing over the monitors surrounding the bed.

"What are you going to do?" He asks. He had completely forgotten that they never had the time for doing the scans to make sure they got it all. "Where do you want to take her, I mean I just got here." He says.

"I ..."

She sighs, she hates to see both of them suffering.

Amelia starts to explain the obvious (what was obvious for her but not for him 'cause he was emotionally to close to this).

"To get the scans of her brain. We never had the time to do that is the reason why we're doing it now. You ..." But Derek cut her off. "Please don't make me stay here. I need to be with her." He sounds desperate. "I never wanted to say that. What I wanted to say was that you can come and join us while we do it. I'll even show you the scans, okay?" Amelia is patient with him.

Derek breathes out when he hears that.

Amelia did say the exact words he wanted to hear. She knew what Derek must be feeling right now.

She'd lost the love of her life, or that's how she remembered him. Ryan, the father of her dead baby. She still feels like her baby's death is her fault. Maybe if they hadn't done drugs, her unicorn baby would have been born with a brain and not with a fatal neurological condition that killed her son within 45 minutes.

Her baby lived for 45 minutes.

But he saved lots of other babies who get to have a life because of him.

He wanted to see the plain films, needed to see them, to be sure that she didn't mess up. But he's also sure that she didn't mess up. There is no indication of that - since Meredith's vitals and ICP were in the normal range. Although he sometimes is harsh toward her, he knows Amelia is a great surgeon. That she hasn't taken the neuro boards didn't have an effect here. She was at least as good as any board-certified neurosurgeon.

They don't make him stay here, worrying about Meredith. Although the monitors indicated that everything was just fine. The CSF pressure monitoring shows normal triphasic waves, the first one was the largest, followed by two smaller peaks. Once an ICP monitor has been placed, ICP is monitored continuously.

He know that in adults, the reference range of ICP is 0-15 mmHg and that Meredith's values are completely fine. He was relieved about that. But that doesn't keep him from worrying.

"Okay, I'll come with you when you're doing the scans, I want to see for myself how she's doing." He insists.

"I never had anything other in mind." Amelia replies while typing something in Meredith's electronic patient chart. "Okay, we're taking her down for CT now." Amelia says. Derek watches everything they do. But Meredith still is not awake. But they're still within the 48 hour window but even that would expire soon ...

* * *

"The damn ceiling fell, that's what happened." Alex answers, knowing Cristina would completely freak out when she hears this. "The ceiling fell?" Cristina repeats. "Yeah, on her." Alex adds. "How do you know?" She asks, forgetting the fact that he already told her that. She hears Alex sighing on the other line.

"I already told you that I was with her in an OR when she collapsed. She was operating, then there was an aftershock which caused to ceiling to fall down - on her." He explains, giving her just the broad strokes of what happened. "How can you let her operate with a possible TBI?" Cristina asks, "This is just crazy." She exclaims.

"You know Mer, Cristina, better than any of us. She said she fine. That's why we shouldn't operate on family, it clouds judgment. And that's what happened here." Alex says. "We all believed her she wouldn't lie about something like this."

"Yeah, I do know Mer but you don't let people in the OR when they have a suspected brain injury." Cristina insists.

"Why are we even talking about this? I mean, it has happened and now we have to deal with it." Alex says.

"We are talking about this because I want to know everything about what happened when I can't get on a damned flight." Cristina says grumbling, looking around at the airport. People were talking - in German and other foreign languages. Then she turns her attention back to the phone. She still has Alex on the line. "You can't get on a flight?" Alex repeats.

"Why? Do you have an important surgery scheduled or isn't your private aircraft working?" He asks, a bit fed up by Cristina's inquiring attitude. She knows that even if they are only connected through a phone.

Cristina rolls her eyes when she hears him saying that. She decides to ignore that comment and finally answers: "They cancelled all the flights to Seattle, SeaTac isn't open. They can't land. And now I am stuck here." She exclaims loudly, that some passers-by look at her in surprise. That makes it perfectly visible under what amount of stress she is right now.

"I am stuck at this airport in Zurich, and I can't do anything about it. Plus my person is barely alive and I am not there 'cause the flights have been cancelled. Can you imagine that?"

"Now that you say so, yes."

* * *

Dr. Amelia Shepherd pushes a button and the machine starts rotating as she leaves the room. She then joins Derek in the viewing room. Amelia and Derek Shepherd are sitting in the viewing room and are waiting impatiently for the results to load up on their computer screen. But it is taking forever. Today, the machine seemed to be very slow.

Amelia is worried. Alhough she is not but then again, she is.

Her heart is beating heavily in her chest.

What if she made a mistake? What if she didn't get it all? What if Meredith wouldn't wake up? What if her ICP goes through the roof? There were so many what ifs but no answers.

"Oh, come on. It can't take that long. It's like the computer knows how important these images are to us and now he's screwing with us. It knows that this isn't any patient." Derek blurts out, annoyed by the slowliness of the machine. Amelia shoots him a look. "You can wait outside if that's better."

"That only only makes it worse and it doesn't change the freaking fact that this device is screwing with us." Derek replies, ignoring Amelias's comment about letting him waiting outside.

"You just imagine that." Amelia sighs.

"I don't think that I imagine that this takes forever. How can it take this long for the images to come up?" He asks no one in particular. Derek glances through the window that separates the machine from the viewing room.

"I don't think so." Amelia conjectures. "I think it's because we both are anxious for the results and it just seems to take forever." "Or maybe the computer's screwing with us." Derek says for another time.

"Oh, now you're just obsessed with the unproven fact that the computer is screwing with you." Amelia counters as they are both waiting impatiently for the images to show up on the screen.

Derek doesn't reply.

Amelia is right. He's obsessed with the fact that the computer is supposedly screwing with them just to piss them off. But he was also right with saying that it's taking forever because it was taking forever.

"They're up." Amy suddenly calls up as the scans are coming up on the screen.

A brain was now covering the computer screen.

Not just _any _brain.

It is Meredith's brain.

"They are?" He asks Amelia who stares intently on the uploading scans, revealing Meredith's brain.

Derek's heart skips a beat when he hears that, immediately he focuses on reading the scans.

* * *

Maggie, Arizona and Callie are spending time in daycare with Zola, Bailey and Sofia who have no idea what is going on. The tension is noticeable. All the adults feel it. But neither of them are talking about it. About the fact that Zola and Bailey could lose their mother and that Maggie could lose her long-lost sister she never knew about and their colleague and friend.

In this moment, Miranda Bailey enters daycare. Callie looks up as she builds a tower with Zola and Sofia, the Shepherd-Sloan generation 2.0.

Dr. Miranda Bailey looks tired and exhausted. After a look in her colleagues' faces she knows that they know about the ongoing situation with Meredith Grey. "From the looks of your faces, I bet you know? Don't ya?"

Arizona nods slightly. "We've heard from Amelia. She asked us to take the kids, at least until Derek's here."

"Well, he's here now." Bailey says dryly.

"But he's a mess, that's for sure. I was a mess when ..." She doesn't end that sentence. Callie glances at her for a moment.

There was this old connection between them.

* * *

"You did it, Amy." Derek exclaims happily as he looked at Meredith's scans. He was the only one allowed to call her Amy. Immediate relief could be seen in her blue eyes, the same eyes Derek has inherited, too as did Bailey. The 'Shepherd eyes' is what Amelia calls them.

"See, her scans are clear. There is no evidence of residual bleeders. It's clean. It's actually clean. I couldn't have done it better myself." Derek says as he continues to glance at the post-op CT films of Meredith's brain, feeling overjoyed by the fact that there is nothing indicating that she wouldn't wake up in the next few hours.

But hey, they still weren't out of the 72 hour window.

There is time.

And she will wake up. Derek was confident about that. Meredith is a strong, healthy woman and she will wake up. 'cause the alternative is just too terrifying for him to even imagine, so he holds onto that little hope, hoping Meredith will wake up soonish, somewhere in the next hours.

But there was nothing they could do besides waiting for her to wake up. Amelia Shepherd breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that there is no evidence of something being wrong with her sister in law's brain besides the already evacuated extradural bleeding which she'd stopped successfully in a previous surgery.

She couldn't describe it but she felt like she could breathe again without something weighing down on her lungs.

The fair that she killed her sister in law by believing that she was okay.

"That's a good sign." She finally says, looking at Derek who smiles at her widely as he realizes that Meredith, his wife and the mother of his children more than likely will be okay.

"There is no reason for her not to wake up. What I am saying is that you should try and relax." His sister advises him. Derek sighed.

But what about the emotional factors, don't they count too?

"No medical reason." Derek says, he remembered what an ass he'd been the last time he had seen her in person when she wasn't …

"What do you mean by that?" Amelia asks, growing concerned about her older brother. This was not like him. Yeah, he wasn't supposed to be okay, considering the situation and all but this wasn't like him at all. Derek shakes his head, looking straight ahead. "The last time I saw her …" Derek stops 'cause he was about to let his emotions get the better of him - he couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"We were fighting and she told me I was better off going to D.C. than staying in Seattle. I mean we put a pin in it before I boarded the plane but it was a phone call. We weren't actually seeing one another" Derek confesses.

That it takes this to realize that this job is not everything … that is, I can't believe I am this kind of guy who leaves his family for a job. A job and now she is …" The neurosurgeon swallows hardly as he looks to where Meredith was lying. She is still intubated but that was just a precaution.

"I want her to be extubated before she wakes up, before we take away the sedation. I don't want her to go through that fear not being able to …" Derek whispers, Amelia looked at her big brother who always had been strong but now he was worried and concerned, just not the Derek she knows But at least, she'd given Meredith the best shot of surviving as possible. "We could do a trial run." Amelia suggests, she was talking about a spontaneous breathing trial that could help determine them whether Meredith was ready or not.

"That way we can she whether she's ready to do it on her own or if she needs help with breathing and has to stay on the respirator." Derek nods- this was killing him. He hated feeling this helpless. Not being able to help her. "Just try and keep it together." Amelia tells him, wanting to hand out some advice.

"I just hope and pray that she wakes up in the next hours."

"She better will, otherwise I will be forced to have a serious word with her."

Amelia and Derek Shepherd both turn around only to see Miranda Bailey standing there and gazing at them expectantly. She steps into the viewing room, concern covering her features.

She cares about her, she is one of her babies. "Are those her scans?" She asks as she went over to the monitors to take a better look at them. "Yeah, that is her scan." Amelia answers.

Derek stays as he watches Bailey studying the images. "I know I am not a brain surgeon but from what I see, they're clean." She assessed them carefully. "That makes three surgeons agreeing that these scans are normal, that there was nothing abnormal to be found." Amelia concluded. "Now it's only a matter of hours before Meredith wakes up." Amelia tells them, happy to bear happy news for all of their sakes. Then Derek gasped as he remembered something important.

"Where are … who has my kids?" Derek asks, shocked about that he'd forgotten about Zola and Bailey who were just as important as Mer.

"Speaking of which, where are they?" He demanded to know. He's been so wrapped up in Meredith and her current state that he didn't think of his children. Amelia pats his arm shortly for comfort before saying: "Maggie, Arizona and Callie are watching them. They're fine, no injuries sustained in the earthquake. They are fine. It's just they keep asking about their mother and father. Both of them are down in daycare, Nightcare whatever care …It's open all night." Daycare, Nightcare whatever care?!"

Derek's gaze wanders over to Bailey in utter confusion.

"That's how Mer said it when we worked on that tumor." The general surgeon tells him. Derek nods. "Do you want me to page Torres and Robbins and Pierce so you can see your kids?" Bailey wanted to ask.

"Do it." Amelia whispers in his ear.

"It'll keep you occupied for some minutes and it'll be good for all of you. Maybe it will provide comfort. I mean your kids are going to be so happy to see their Daddy after such a long time." Amelia looks to her brother. Derek had no idea what to answer. He is overwhelmed by everything.

This is hard.

He wants to see his gorgeous children but he also feels the not suppressible need to stay with his wife in case she wakes up. He wants to let her know she is not alone in the world.

That he is there and he loves her.

That she is everything for him.

He wants her to know that.

What if she dies and he never gets to tell her that?

He could never forgive himself ...

* * *

Later, after decreasing the sedation and extubating her after performing the trial run that went perfectly, they waited for her to wake up. "Is she waking up?" Someone says, in her subconscious mind she figures it was Derek (if he had come when he heard about her being injured in an earthquake, it might as well can be that he doesn't came to see her) or Amelia maybe. Why the hell was she here anyway?

Why were they all here? Did she have surgery? Probably.

She blinks before she slowly opened her eyes ...


End file.
